How to Tell Your Boyfriend You Want to Slow Down

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Identify what you want in a relationship.

   Imagine what your ideal relationship would be like.
   
   This can change over time, so don’t feel like you have to stick to some past list of check marks.
   
   Be honest with yourself so you have a clearer idea of your actual goals and expectations for the here and now.
   
   Ask yourself:
   Do I only want a casual romance without any future commitments, or am I looking for a partner for the long run? Do I want someone who will challenge me out of my comfort zone, or someone who matches my expectations? Am I looking for someone who is totally different from my past boyfriends, or someone similar?
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   Step 2: Size up your boyfriend.

   Think about his behavior, attitude, and goals regarding your relationship.
   
   Ask yourself if there is something specific about him that makes you want to slow things down.
   
   Make a list of what he says or does that makes you feel hesitant about moving forward too quickly.
   
   Consider things like:
   Whether he’s pressuring you to make a commitment or take a major step forward before you’re ready.
   
   What he envisions your relationship to be like a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, and so on.
   
   If his behavior towards you has changed (or failed to change) after major turning points that the two of you have already taken. , You’ve identified what you want out of your relationship, and you’ve considered any red flags that your boyfriend has raised.
   
   Now gauge your reaction to those red flags.
   
   Ask yourself what it is about them that jars with your expectations.
   
   For instance:
   If you feel like he’s rushing you into making a commitment, do you feel reluctant because a committed relationship isn’t what you’re looking for right now? Or, if you do want that, are you just not sure that he’s the right guy for you yet? If you feel like you do want (or did want) to pursue a long-term relationship, is there something he’s done that has made you think twice? Like treating you differently around his friends, or still flirting with other people despite your relationship? Say everything seems to be going perfectly, but you feel reluctant anyway.
   
   Does his vision for the future match yours? Would you still be able to meet your life goals in his vision? Consider past relationships.
   
   Do you feel like you’re falling into old traps? Or do you feel nervous because things aren’t going the same way as they have before?
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   Step 3: Examine yourself.

Detailed Guide

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