How to Tell Your Mom About Your Boyfriend
Talk to your mom when she is in a good mood., Tell your mother when it's just you and her., Practice telling by writing down what you plan on saying., Stress the positives., Have a photo or social media profile handy., Avoid keeping it a secret.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Talk to your mom when she is in a good mood.
Choose the best time to break the news.
Don’t have the talk when she has just gotten home from work or is preoccupied with something else.
You want to have her whole attention, and you want her to be receptive.
At the same time, find a balance between telling her promptly without springing it on her.You don’t want to go weeks or months without telling her you have your first boyfriend, but you shouldn’t just show up with him saying, “Hey mom, meet my new boyfriend!” Have a one-on-one conversation first.
It’s wise to tell her when she’s not already bothered by something you did.
If you’ve just done something irresponsible or immature, or just got in trouble for something, she might conclude that you’re not mature enough for a relationship. -
Step 2: Tell your mother when it's just you and her.
If you live with both of your parents, but you’ve decided you’re most comfortable talking only to mom at first, choose a time when your father is out of the house.
Go with a time that he’s at work, or out for a few hours running errands.
Alternatively, go out with your mom to grab a coffee or lunch outside of the house.
It’s usually a good idea to tell both your parents at once, but there are plenty of situations where telling your mom first is more comfortable.Sometimes, fathers can be more protective when it comes to first boyfriends, some can be more resistant if you’re coming out as gay, and some can be less tolerant if your boyfriend is of another race or religion. , Think about what you want to say, and how to say it in a mature way.
Your goal should be to be clear, direct, and honest, and you don’t want to get flustered or whine.
Consider writing down your main points, especially if you think you might lose track or get tongue-tied.While it’s great to plan and practice by writing down your thoughts, you should definitely break the news face-to-face.
Try writing the main points, like: "Mom, I feel like we have a close relationship and I don't want to keep things from you.
My friend Jerry asked me to be his girlfriend a couple weeks ago and I said yes.
We're in the same grade and he's a really nice and smart guy." Jot down some points to bring up if her response isn't the one you want.
Say, "I thought you might not think I'm ready, but I wanted to mention that I'm become a really mature person.
I'm active at school, I keep my grades up, and I get all my chores done before you have to tell me.
I don't think I'm going to marry him or anything, but I think I'm ready for my first boyfriend and definitely want to talk about your ground rules and ask your advice."
When you have the conversation, don’t begin with all the negatives, especially if your family wants you to date a certain type of person or has any sort of strict expectations.
Don’t start off by saying, “Well he’s really hot but he gets detention all the time and his grades are terrible!” Focus on both your positive attributes and those of your boyfriend.Do you have good grades? Are you a leader at school or in after-school activities? How else are you mature or responsible? These are traits that your parents will want to see in you before you get a boyfriend, so be sure to work hard in school, do your chores, and show your parents how responsible you are.
Similarly, try to say as many positive things about him as possible.
Show your mom that she can trust your judgment.
Try telling her nice things he does for you, how he well he treats you, how sweet he is, what his talents are, and other good things about him.
Considering his positive attributes can also help you decide if he’s worthy of your time.
If you can’t honestly list lots of positive things about him to your mom, he’s probably not the best for you. , Unless she’s completely resistant to the idea of you having a boyfriend, she’ll probably want to know more about him.
Be ready to share a picture of him so she knows what he looks like, or show her his social media profile so she can learn a little bit about him.
Remember, don’t just assume that she’ll freak out, especially if you’re well into your teenage years or on the verge of becoming a young adult.
She might be overjoyed and want to gush about him with you!While it’s natural to be shy, and want to keep your personal life private, in most cases you do have to share information about your boyfriend with your parents., Remember that your mom was young once, and you shouldn’t just assume that she’ll react negatively.
Your parents will always find out something that you’re hiding from them, so keeping it a secret is not the best idea.
Be sure to answer any questions about him truthfully.If you want to show your mom that you’re mature enough for a boyfriend, you have to earn her trust.
Keeping secrets will just harm the trust you have in one another.Don’t lie about when you first started dating.
Try to be honest about as many details as possible.
You don’t want to get caught in a lie, such as when your anniversary is, later on down the line! -
Step 3: Practice telling by writing down what you plan on saying.
-
Step 4: Stress the positives.
-
Step 5: Have a photo or social media profile handy.
-
Step 6: Avoid keeping it a secret.
Detailed Guide
Choose the best time to break the news.
Don’t have the talk when she has just gotten home from work or is preoccupied with something else.
You want to have her whole attention, and you want her to be receptive.
At the same time, find a balance between telling her promptly without springing it on her.You don’t want to go weeks or months without telling her you have your first boyfriend, but you shouldn’t just show up with him saying, “Hey mom, meet my new boyfriend!” Have a one-on-one conversation first.
It’s wise to tell her when she’s not already bothered by something you did.
If you’ve just done something irresponsible or immature, or just got in trouble for something, she might conclude that you’re not mature enough for a relationship.
If you live with both of your parents, but you’ve decided you’re most comfortable talking only to mom at first, choose a time when your father is out of the house.
Go with a time that he’s at work, or out for a few hours running errands.
Alternatively, go out with your mom to grab a coffee or lunch outside of the house.
It’s usually a good idea to tell both your parents at once, but there are plenty of situations where telling your mom first is more comfortable.Sometimes, fathers can be more protective when it comes to first boyfriends, some can be more resistant if you’re coming out as gay, and some can be less tolerant if your boyfriend is of another race or religion. , Think about what you want to say, and how to say it in a mature way.
Your goal should be to be clear, direct, and honest, and you don’t want to get flustered or whine.
Consider writing down your main points, especially if you think you might lose track or get tongue-tied.While it’s great to plan and practice by writing down your thoughts, you should definitely break the news face-to-face.
Try writing the main points, like: "Mom, I feel like we have a close relationship and I don't want to keep things from you.
My friend Jerry asked me to be his girlfriend a couple weeks ago and I said yes.
We're in the same grade and he's a really nice and smart guy." Jot down some points to bring up if her response isn't the one you want.
Say, "I thought you might not think I'm ready, but I wanted to mention that I'm become a really mature person.
I'm active at school, I keep my grades up, and I get all my chores done before you have to tell me.
I don't think I'm going to marry him or anything, but I think I'm ready for my first boyfriend and definitely want to talk about your ground rules and ask your advice."
When you have the conversation, don’t begin with all the negatives, especially if your family wants you to date a certain type of person or has any sort of strict expectations.
Don’t start off by saying, “Well he’s really hot but he gets detention all the time and his grades are terrible!” Focus on both your positive attributes and those of your boyfriend.Do you have good grades? Are you a leader at school or in after-school activities? How else are you mature or responsible? These are traits that your parents will want to see in you before you get a boyfriend, so be sure to work hard in school, do your chores, and show your parents how responsible you are.
Similarly, try to say as many positive things about him as possible.
Show your mom that she can trust your judgment.
Try telling her nice things he does for you, how he well he treats you, how sweet he is, what his talents are, and other good things about him.
Considering his positive attributes can also help you decide if he’s worthy of your time.
If you can’t honestly list lots of positive things about him to your mom, he’s probably not the best for you. , Unless she’s completely resistant to the idea of you having a boyfriend, she’ll probably want to know more about him.
Be ready to share a picture of him so she knows what he looks like, or show her his social media profile so she can learn a little bit about him.
Remember, don’t just assume that she’ll freak out, especially if you’re well into your teenage years or on the verge of becoming a young adult.
She might be overjoyed and want to gush about him with you!While it’s natural to be shy, and want to keep your personal life private, in most cases you do have to share information about your boyfriend with your parents., Remember that your mom was young once, and you shouldn’t just assume that she’ll react negatively.
Your parents will always find out something that you’re hiding from them, so keeping it a secret is not the best idea.
Be sure to answer any questions about him truthfully.If you want to show your mom that you’re mature enough for a boyfriend, you have to earn her trust.
Keeping secrets will just harm the trust you have in one another.Don’t lie about when you first started dating.
Try to be honest about as many details as possible.
You don’t want to get caught in a lie, such as when your anniversary is, later on down the line!
About the Author
Joan Bishop
Committed to making lifestyle accessible and understandable for everyone.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: