How to Use Respeak in Your Relationship
Understand that communication is filtered through your own perceptions., Do not blame your partner., Avoid praising your partner., Listen without being defensive., Make connecting with your partner your goal.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Understand that communication is filtered through your own perceptions.
When you are having a conversation, it is important to understand that everything you hear is filtered through your own perceptions.
This means that what you actually hear is your perception of their words.
For example, you may think, “My partner rudely asked me to calm down.” If you use respeak you would think, “My partner asked me to calm down and I perceived it as rude.”When you make this adjustment in your thoughts, you realize that what you perceive may be different from what your partner intended.
This can help to solve many miscommunications that happen in relationships. -
Step 2: Do not blame your partner.
When you are communicating with your partner using respeak, recenter yourself in the experience.
Doing this stops you from blaming your partner.
For example, if your partner is late coming home you may feel angry.
Instead of saying, “You made me angry by being late,” you can say, “I angered myself when you were late.”This relies on the concept that individuals control and take action over their own feelings and experiences.
By doing this, conversations that would traditionally lead to blame become more compassionate. , Another aspect of respeak is to avoid outwardly praising your partner.
Instead, you want your partner to come to their own conclusions about their successes, rather than relying solely on your praise or approval.
For example, if your partner gets a promotion at work you could say, “I am proud of you.” This way you are focusing on how you feel.You can also say things like, “I feel comfortable and safe when you are around.” This focuses on how you feel rather than praising their actions, and feels more genuine. , When you incorporate respeak into your relationship, you can learn to listen without being defensive.
This happens when you realize and understand that your partner can only speak about their own experiences.
For example, if your partner blames you for something, they are actually just communicating the feelings that they have created within themselves.
This will allow you to be more compassionate towards your partner and less defensive., It is important to make connecting with your partner the goal of communication.
Many couples develop poor communication skills because they place a lot of importance on being right or winning an argument.
You need to let go of the desire to always be right.For example, if your partner is late coming home and was also late last week, only focus on the present.
Do not bring up the fact that they were late last week.
This makes it seem like you are trying to find a pattern and win an ongoing argument.
By only focusing on the present, you are demonstrating that you are actively trying to connect with your partner.
Respeak works best if both parties are invested in changing the way they communicate and are engaged in learning the principals of respeak. -
Step 3: Avoid praising your partner.
-
Step 4: Listen without being defensive.
-
Step 5: Make connecting with your partner your goal.
Detailed Guide
When you are having a conversation, it is important to understand that everything you hear is filtered through your own perceptions.
This means that what you actually hear is your perception of their words.
For example, you may think, “My partner rudely asked me to calm down.” If you use respeak you would think, “My partner asked me to calm down and I perceived it as rude.”When you make this adjustment in your thoughts, you realize that what you perceive may be different from what your partner intended.
This can help to solve many miscommunications that happen in relationships.
When you are communicating with your partner using respeak, recenter yourself in the experience.
Doing this stops you from blaming your partner.
For example, if your partner is late coming home you may feel angry.
Instead of saying, “You made me angry by being late,” you can say, “I angered myself when you were late.”This relies on the concept that individuals control and take action over their own feelings and experiences.
By doing this, conversations that would traditionally lead to blame become more compassionate. , Another aspect of respeak is to avoid outwardly praising your partner.
Instead, you want your partner to come to their own conclusions about their successes, rather than relying solely on your praise or approval.
For example, if your partner gets a promotion at work you could say, “I am proud of you.” This way you are focusing on how you feel.You can also say things like, “I feel comfortable and safe when you are around.” This focuses on how you feel rather than praising their actions, and feels more genuine. , When you incorporate respeak into your relationship, you can learn to listen without being defensive.
This happens when you realize and understand that your partner can only speak about their own experiences.
For example, if your partner blames you for something, they are actually just communicating the feelings that they have created within themselves.
This will allow you to be more compassionate towards your partner and less defensive., It is important to make connecting with your partner the goal of communication.
Many couples develop poor communication skills because they place a lot of importance on being right or winning an argument.
You need to let go of the desire to always be right.For example, if your partner is late coming home and was also late last week, only focus on the present.
Do not bring up the fact that they were late last week.
This makes it seem like you are trying to find a pattern and win an ongoing argument.
By only focusing on the present, you are demonstrating that you are actively trying to connect with your partner.
Respeak works best if both parties are invested in changing the way they communicate and are engaged in learning the principals of respeak.
About the Author
Emma Russell
Experienced content creator specializing in crafts guides and tutorials.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: