How to Apologize for a Racist Comment
Take accusations seriously., Ask questions., Take responsibility for your actions., Plan your apology., Decide how to deliver your apology., Be sincere in your delivery., Choose your words carefully., Acknowledge the hurt or foul., Show remorse., Be...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Take accusations seriously.
Even if you don't understand why, act with the assumption that the person has a very good reason for saying that they’re offended.
Racism isn't something that people take lightly.
It's better to be too serious than to blow off someone else's pain.
If someone points out a racist comment, they aren’t saying, "You're a terrible person" or even, “You’re a racist.” They are telling you that you said something hurtful.
Don’t take it personally, but instead, recognize that they’re helping you see your blind spots. -
Step 2: Ask questions.
You might wonder what was racist in your words.
If so, ask the person.
You might have a lot of questions, so ask them one at a time.
For example, if you’re unclear, ask, “What did I say that was racist?” You might also wonder, “How was that offensive?” or, “What could I have said instead?” Don't push them to explain.
While some people are willing to gently guide you through the painful world of racism, it isn't their job, so don't expect it, and express gratitude if they take time for you.
If the interaction happens online, consider private messaging the person to talk about it further and ask your questions. , Own up to what you said and accept any consequences that have (or may) occur.
Taking responsibility means admitting that you said something hurtful and that there’s no excuse for it.
It means you don’t blame anything or anyone else for what came out of your mouth.Taking responsibility often doesn’t feel good, but it’s an important part of admitting your actions and showing that you’re sincere in taking steps to amend what went wrong. , Choose the circumstances around your apology carefully.
For example, don’t casually bring it up in the middle of something or around strangers.
Try to apologize in a private way.
Choose a good time and a quiet setting that will facilitate the discussion and apology.
Pick a time you know the person or people are available and have time to talk.
Allow some time for discussion.
Say, “Is this a good time to talk?” or, “Can we talk tomorrow after class?”You don’t want to feel rushed in your apology, nor do you want the other person or people to feel awkward or uncomfortable. , In most cases, you’ll speak in-person to one person or a group of people.
There are certain instances that may warrant a public apology.
If you made a racist comment online, for example, you may want to publically take responsibility and apologize for your comment.
Or, if you made a comment in your workplace or classroom, you may want to revisit that space and those people and make amends.
You may choose to write a letter.
If you struggle to say things out loud or have difficulty wording your apology, try a letter (or email).
This can help you say what you need to say how you want to say it. , What you say should be heartfelt.
If you are giggling and not trying to act serious, no one will take you seriously.
Make it clear that you are serious about your apology and about racism.
Believe that you mean what you say and really mean it.For example, you should know why you’re apologizing and why what you sad was hurtful before you apologize. , You want to dig yourself out of a hole, not dig it further! Avoid trying to justify why you made your comment (“It was funny at the time”) or making a non-apology: the apology isn’t about how they feel or if they feel bad, it’s about your actions.
Avoid saying things like, “I’m sorry if you feel bad” or, “I’m sorry you didn’t understand me.”One helpful technique is to use the word and instead of the word but, such as "I'm sorry and I didn't mean it" instead of "I'm sorry but I didn't mean it."
Start your apology by admitting responsibility, then acknowledge the hurt your comment caused.
Show an understanding of how your words were hurtful and that you understand the pain they caused.For example, say, “I thought my comment was funny, but now I see how insensitive it was toward Black people, and I’m horrified I said that” or, “I made that comment casually, but I know now it meant something much more serious and really hurt you.” , It’s important to show that you feel bad about what you said.
Even if you hurt the person unintentionally, you still can feel remorse for the effects of your racist comment.
Remorse can express guilt, shame, embarrassment, or humility."I'm sorry.
I heard people using that word, but I didn't know exactly what it meant.
I'm horrified that it has such negative connotations, and I would never have used it had I known.
I'm truly sorry."
Speak specifically about what you did that was wrong.
It’s best not to speak in generalities such as, “I’m sorry I said something racist.” Instead, say specifically what you did that was wrong and why it was offensive.For example, say, “My comment about Latinos sounded funny to me, but now I see that it was out of line and offensive.” , Saying the words, “I’m sorry” makes it clear that you’re making an apology.Try to say, “I’m sorry” early on in the apology.
Don’t wait until the end of your apology to say that words or else it can be confusing. , Listen closely to their response and really consider what they say.
Pay attention to their words and feelings and show that you’re listening by nodding occasionally and encouraging them to continue by saying, “I see” or, “Uh huh.” Respond to their words by validating their feelings and empathizing with them.See things from their point-of-view and understand why they feel the way they do.
For example, say, “I can understand why you feel hurt” or, “I didn’t realize how much my comment affected you.” , Let the other person know that it won’t happen again.
This helps in rebuilding trust and repairing a relationship.
It also shows that you’ve learned from the experience and don’t want to hurt others.
Just be sure to honor this commitment.
Say, “This was a painful experience, and I’ll be sure to be more careful with my words in the future.” , Take your apology one step further by making amends.
For example, say, “Is there anything I can do to make this up to you?” Think about anything you can do to improve or do better and share this with the person.
However, don’t make empty promises or grandiose gestures as a way to relieve your guilt.For example, say, “I know this is a blind spot, so I’m signing up for an online class about racial diversity.” , Perhaps this experience has opened your eyes to larger issues about race and you want to get involved in spreading awareness and equality.
Join a diversity group at your school, university, or workplace to encourage working together.
Get involved politically by raising awareness in your community or signing petitions that promote equality for people of all backgrounds.
Do what you can to promote awareness and sensitivity.
Perhaps you might even stop someone and start a discussion about race after they make an offensive comment. -
Step 3: Take responsibility for your actions.
-
Step 4: Plan your apology.
-
Step 5: Decide how to deliver your apology.
-
Step 6: Be sincere in your delivery.
-
Step 7: Choose your words carefully.
-
Step 8: Acknowledge the hurt or foul.
-
Step 9: Show remorse.
-
Step 10: Be specific.
-
Step 11: “I’m sorry.” It’s important that your apology contains the words “I’m sorry.” make it clear to the person that you’re making an apology and not trying to make excuses or justify your words.
-
Step 12: Consider their feelings.
-
Step 13: Assure them that it doesn’t happen again.
-
Step 14: Make amends.
-
Step 15: Take action on a larger scale.
Detailed Guide
Even if you don't understand why, act with the assumption that the person has a very good reason for saying that they’re offended.
Racism isn't something that people take lightly.
It's better to be too serious than to blow off someone else's pain.
If someone points out a racist comment, they aren’t saying, "You're a terrible person" or even, “You’re a racist.” They are telling you that you said something hurtful.
Don’t take it personally, but instead, recognize that they’re helping you see your blind spots.
You might wonder what was racist in your words.
If so, ask the person.
You might have a lot of questions, so ask them one at a time.
For example, if you’re unclear, ask, “What did I say that was racist?” You might also wonder, “How was that offensive?” or, “What could I have said instead?” Don't push them to explain.
While some people are willing to gently guide you through the painful world of racism, it isn't their job, so don't expect it, and express gratitude if they take time for you.
If the interaction happens online, consider private messaging the person to talk about it further and ask your questions. , Own up to what you said and accept any consequences that have (or may) occur.
Taking responsibility means admitting that you said something hurtful and that there’s no excuse for it.
It means you don’t blame anything or anyone else for what came out of your mouth.Taking responsibility often doesn’t feel good, but it’s an important part of admitting your actions and showing that you’re sincere in taking steps to amend what went wrong. , Choose the circumstances around your apology carefully.
For example, don’t casually bring it up in the middle of something or around strangers.
Try to apologize in a private way.
Choose a good time and a quiet setting that will facilitate the discussion and apology.
Pick a time you know the person or people are available and have time to talk.
Allow some time for discussion.
Say, “Is this a good time to talk?” or, “Can we talk tomorrow after class?”You don’t want to feel rushed in your apology, nor do you want the other person or people to feel awkward or uncomfortable. , In most cases, you’ll speak in-person to one person or a group of people.
There are certain instances that may warrant a public apology.
If you made a racist comment online, for example, you may want to publically take responsibility and apologize for your comment.
Or, if you made a comment in your workplace or classroom, you may want to revisit that space and those people and make amends.
You may choose to write a letter.
If you struggle to say things out loud or have difficulty wording your apology, try a letter (or email).
This can help you say what you need to say how you want to say it. , What you say should be heartfelt.
If you are giggling and not trying to act serious, no one will take you seriously.
Make it clear that you are serious about your apology and about racism.
Believe that you mean what you say and really mean it.For example, you should know why you’re apologizing and why what you sad was hurtful before you apologize. , You want to dig yourself out of a hole, not dig it further! Avoid trying to justify why you made your comment (“It was funny at the time”) or making a non-apology: the apology isn’t about how they feel or if they feel bad, it’s about your actions.
Avoid saying things like, “I’m sorry if you feel bad” or, “I’m sorry you didn’t understand me.”One helpful technique is to use the word and instead of the word but, such as "I'm sorry and I didn't mean it" instead of "I'm sorry but I didn't mean it."
Start your apology by admitting responsibility, then acknowledge the hurt your comment caused.
Show an understanding of how your words were hurtful and that you understand the pain they caused.For example, say, “I thought my comment was funny, but now I see how insensitive it was toward Black people, and I’m horrified I said that” or, “I made that comment casually, but I know now it meant something much more serious and really hurt you.” , It’s important to show that you feel bad about what you said.
Even if you hurt the person unintentionally, you still can feel remorse for the effects of your racist comment.
Remorse can express guilt, shame, embarrassment, or humility."I'm sorry.
I heard people using that word, but I didn't know exactly what it meant.
I'm horrified that it has such negative connotations, and I would never have used it had I known.
I'm truly sorry."
Speak specifically about what you did that was wrong.
It’s best not to speak in generalities such as, “I’m sorry I said something racist.” Instead, say specifically what you did that was wrong and why it was offensive.For example, say, “My comment about Latinos sounded funny to me, but now I see that it was out of line and offensive.” , Saying the words, “I’m sorry” makes it clear that you’re making an apology.Try to say, “I’m sorry” early on in the apology.
Don’t wait until the end of your apology to say that words or else it can be confusing. , Listen closely to their response and really consider what they say.
Pay attention to their words and feelings and show that you’re listening by nodding occasionally and encouraging them to continue by saying, “I see” or, “Uh huh.” Respond to their words by validating their feelings and empathizing with them.See things from their point-of-view and understand why they feel the way they do.
For example, say, “I can understand why you feel hurt” or, “I didn’t realize how much my comment affected you.” , Let the other person know that it won’t happen again.
This helps in rebuilding trust and repairing a relationship.
It also shows that you’ve learned from the experience and don’t want to hurt others.
Just be sure to honor this commitment.
Say, “This was a painful experience, and I’ll be sure to be more careful with my words in the future.” , Take your apology one step further by making amends.
For example, say, “Is there anything I can do to make this up to you?” Think about anything you can do to improve or do better and share this with the person.
However, don’t make empty promises or grandiose gestures as a way to relieve your guilt.For example, say, “I know this is a blind spot, so I’m signing up for an online class about racial diversity.” , Perhaps this experience has opened your eyes to larger issues about race and you want to get involved in spreading awareness and equality.
Join a diversity group at your school, university, or workplace to encourage working together.
Get involved politically by raising awareness in your community or signing petitions that promote equality for people of all backgrounds.
Do what you can to promote awareness and sensitivity.
Perhaps you might even stop someone and start a discussion about race after they make an offensive comment.
About the Author
Jessica Gonzalez
A passionate writer with expertise in home improvement topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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