How to Deal with Insensitive Remarks from Friends
Assess the remarks., Decide if you want to let it go or speak up., React to the remarks based on your judgement.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Assess the remarks.
Start by taking a moment to assess the remarks that have been made as well as how and when the remarks were made.
The type of remarks made may affect how you respond to them.
If the remarks are made about you personally, for example, you may more compelled to respond.For example, your friends may have said insensitive remarks about a person’s race, gender, or class that you know personally.
Or they may have made insensitive remarks about a group of people that you do not know personally.
Keeping the method in which they were delivered — such as in a Facebook post versus in person — can later help you decide how you wish to respond to the remarks. -
Step 2: Decide if you want to let it go or speak up.
Once you have assessed the remarks, make the decision to let the remarks go or speak up about how they make you feel.
Think about your level of comfort with your friends and whether you are emotionally able to respond to their comments.
Decide if speaking up is important to you or if you would prefer to let the remark go.There may also be other factors like who you are around when the remarks are said.
If the insensitive remarks are made in front of others who may also be offended, you may decide to speak up because you will have others who will support you.
If the insensitive remarks are said in the workplace, for example, you may feel more of a responsibility to speak up based on the fact that the remarks are unprofessional and may upset others.
If the insensitive remarks are said around young people or children, you may feel it is important to speak up because you want to be a good role model and not make it seem like insensitive remarks are okay.
If the person making the remark is much younger than you are, you may be tempted to let it go based on their age and inexperience, but it's actually better to address it right away.
Generally, the earlier the person is made aware of their insensitive remarks, the better chance they have of being open to learning about empathy, compassion, and considering other view points. , Think about whether you are able to respond to the remarks in the moment, in front of your friends.
If you think you will react emotionally and not from a clear, logical place, you might want to wait until you have had time to calm down and think through your response.
Or you may decide to let the remarks go and speak up the next time they are said.You may also decide to address the remarks later, after you have had time to think about your response.
You may have a response that is more calm and clear if you take some time to process the remarks and avoid getting drawn into an emotional argument in which you might say something you regret.
It is also possible you will be so shocked in the moment you won't know how to react, or you won't realize until later the full gravity of their remark. -
Step 3: React to the remarks based on your judgement.
Detailed Guide
Start by taking a moment to assess the remarks that have been made as well as how and when the remarks were made.
The type of remarks made may affect how you respond to them.
If the remarks are made about you personally, for example, you may more compelled to respond.For example, your friends may have said insensitive remarks about a person’s race, gender, or class that you know personally.
Or they may have made insensitive remarks about a group of people that you do not know personally.
Keeping the method in which they were delivered — such as in a Facebook post versus in person — can later help you decide how you wish to respond to the remarks.
Once you have assessed the remarks, make the decision to let the remarks go or speak up about how they make you feel.
Think about your level of comfort with your friends and whether you are emotionally able to respond to their comments.
Decide if speaking up is important to you or if you would prefer to let the remark go.There may also be other factors like who you are around when the remarks are said.
If the insensitive remarks are made in front of others who may also be offended, you may decide to speak up because you will have others who will support you.
If the insensitive remarks are said in the workplace, for example, you may feel more of a responsibility to speak up based on the fact that the remarks are unprofessional and may upset others.
If the insensitive remarks are said around young people or children, you may feel it is important to speak up because you want to be a good role model and not make it seem like insensitive remarks are okay.
If the person making the remark is much younger than you are, you may be tempted to let it go based on their age and inexperience, but it's actually better to address it right away.
Generally, the earlier the person is made aware of their insensitive remarks, the better chance they have of being open to learning about empathy, compassion, and considering other view points. , Think about whether you are able to respond to the remarks in the moment, in front of your friends.
If you think you will react emotionally and not from a clear, logical place, you might want to wait until you have had time to calm down and think through your response.
Or you may decide to let the remarks go and speak up the next time they are said.You may also decide to address the remarks later, after you have had time to think about your response.
You may have a response that is more calm and clear if you take some time to process the remarks and avoid getting drawn into an emotional argument in which you might say something you regret.
It is also possible you will be so shocked in the moment you won't know how to react, or you won't realize until later the full gravity of their remark.
About the Author
Jennifer Graham
Writer and educator with a focus on practical cooking knowledge.
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