How to Deal With Losing a Friend
Allow yourself to grieve., Accept some blame, but not all of it., Avoid fixating on the past., Find a new hobby, activity, or regular social event., Nurture other friendships., Focus on yourself., Resist talking about your former friend.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Allow yourself to grieve.
Whether you had a sudden falling out with your friend, or the friendship simply faded away, you must acknowledge that you have lost something.
Give yourself the time and space to grieve the friendship.
Common ways to sort through your emotions and grieve include things like:
Write a letter to your former friend, but do not send it.
Instead, keep or burn the letter.
The idea is only to allow you a chance to say what you need to say, not for them to read it.
Talk to someone you trust.
Avoid talking to mutual friends, or talking badly about your former friend.
Focus on how you feel about losing the friendship.
Meditate to clear your mind and focus on your emotions.
The sooner you know what you feel, the sooner you can acknowledge your feelings, and move on. -
Step 2: Accept some blame
Consider the possibility that you may have contributed to the situation.
Even if you weren’t a bad friend, there may have been things that you could have done differently along the way.
That said, the other person also carries this same burden.
Do not take the blame for everything going wrong, but avoid the urge to say that the other person deserves all of the fault.For example, if you were hurt and said mean things to a friend because they stood you up, you should accept that you didn’t act as maturely as possible.
It is also fair to note that your friend stood you up, and that they share blame in the situation. , Once you have given yourself time to grieve, you should move on from the friendship.
Try not to think too much about your former friend.
Instead, focus on the present and what you are doing now.If you find that you are having trouble focusing on the present, make it a point to relax your mind and do things you enjoy.
For example, you could spend time listening to music and hanging out with your friends to keep your mind on the present.
Keep in mind that closer and longer lasting friendships may take more time to get over, and that every person grieves at their own pace.
There is no set time limit for this. , Getting out and being active can help you keep your mind off of the lost friendship.
It can also give you something to look forward to.
The most important thing is that you enjoy the activity.Some ideas might be for you to join a book club, go shopping, have dinner with friends, do something creative, or play a sport. , You can now spend the time that you used to focus on your old friendship and pour it into others.
This can be directed towards other friends, or spent making new friends.
Talk to people at school, work or in your neighborhood.
You may be pleasantly surprised how much you have in common with them.Avoid being clingy or overly demanding of your other friends.
This can overwhelm someone quickly.
If you are initiating a new friendship, just saying ‘Hi’ to someone you don’t know is often enough to spark a good conversation. , Revenge fantasies might amuse your sorrowful side, but in reality, they just drain energy that you could be using to have fun.
If you focus on doing things you enjoy and making yourself happy, you will have less time to obsess about your former friend.
If you are having trouble focusing on positive things, distract yourself by spending time with other friends.For example, you could spend time focusing on your school work or your hobbies so that you can have more success in those areas of your life.
Becoming more physically active can help if you are having a lot of anger. , Whether you make up a rumor or tell an ugly truth, talking poorly of your former friend only makes you look bad.
Others will see this as petty and immature, and hesitate to get close to you while you are behaving that way.
Constantly putting down your old friend also keeps you emotionally attached to the friendship you lost and prevents you from moving on. -
Step 3: but not all of it.
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Step 4: Avoid fixating on the past.
-
Step 5: Find a new hobby
-
Step 6: activity
-
Step 7: or regular social event.
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Step 8: Nurture other friendships.
-
Step 9: Focus on yourself.
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Step 10: Resist talking about your former friend.
Detailed Guide
Whether you had a sudden falling out with your friend, or the friendship simply faded away, you must acknowledge that you have lost something.
Give yourself the time and space to grieve the friendship.
Common ways to sort through your emotions and grieve include things like:
Write a letter to your former friend, but do not send it.
Instead, keep or burn the letter.
The idea is only to allow you a chance to say what you need to say, not for them to read it.
Talk to someone you trust.
Avoid talking to mutual friends, or talking badly about your former friend.
Focus on how you feel about losing the friendship.
Meditate to clear your mind and focus on your emotions.
The sooner you know what you feel, the sooner you can acknowledge your feelings, and move on.
Consider the possibility that you may have contributed to the situation.
Even if you weren’t a bad friend, there may have been things that you could have done differently along the way.
That said, the other person also carries this same burden.
Do not take the blame for everything going wrong, but avoid the urge to say that the other person deserves all of the fault.For example, if you were hurt and said mean things to a friend because they stood you up, you should accept that you didn’t act as maturely as possible.
It is also fair to note that your friend stood you up, and that they share blame in the situation. , Once you have given yourself time to grieve, you should move on from the friendship.
Try not to think too much about your former friend.
Instead, focus on the present and what you are doing now.If you find that you are having trouble focusing on the present, make it a point to relax your mind and do things you enjoy.
For example, you could spend time listening to music and hanging out with your friends to keep your mind on the present.
Keep in mind that closer and longer lasting friendships may take more time to get over, and that every person grieves at their own pace.
There is no set time limit for this. , Getting out and being active can help you keep your mind off of the lost friendship.
It can also give you something to look forward to.
The most important thing is that you enjoy the activity.Some ideas might be for you to join a book club, go shopping, have dinner with friends, do something creative, or play a sport. , You can now spend the time that you used to focus on your old friendship and pour it into others.
This can be directed towards other friends, or spent making new friends.
Talk to people at school, work or in your neighborhood.
You may be pleasantly surprised how much you have in common with them.Avoid being clingy or overly demanding of your other friends.
This can overwhelm someone quickly.
If you are initiating a new friendship, just saying ‘Hi’ to someone you don’t know is often enough to spark a good conversation. , Revenge fantasies might amuse your sorrowful side, but in reality, they just drain energy that you could be using to have fun.
If you focus on doing things you enjoy and making yourself happy, you will have less time to obsess about your former friend.
If you are having trouble focusing on positive things, distract yourself by spending time with other friends.For example, you could spend time focusing on your school work or your hobbies so that you can have more success in those areas of your life.
Becoming more physically active can help if you are having a lot of anger. , Whether you make up a rumor or tell an ugly truth, talking poorly of your former friend only makes you look bad.
Others will see this as petty and immature, and hesitate to get close to you while you are behaving that way.
Constantly putting down your old friend also keeps you emotionally attached to the friendship you lost and prevents you from moving on.
About the Author
Dennis Clark
Brings years of experience writing about practical skills and related subjects.
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