How to Encourage a Friend
Make contact., Listen to them without judgment., Offer practical help., Let your friend deal with their emotions in their own time., Offer to be a support buddy., Encourage your friend to keep up with the basics., Don't take over their life., Take...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Make contact.
When you find out that someone is going through a crisis, whether it's a divorce or break-up or an illness or the death of a loved one, get in contact with them as soon as possible.
People who are in a difficult or crisis situation tend to feel isolated.If the person is across the country or far away, make a phone call, send an email, or text them.
You don't have to mention that you know they're having a difficult time.
Just being there for them, asking them how they're doing, offering your support can be a huge boon to someone who's struggling with life.
While you shouldn't just drop in on someone unannounced, it can be a good thing to visit someone in person.
This is especially important if they're dealing with an illness that makes it difficult to leave the house. -
Step 2: Listen to them without judgment.
People need to tell their stories in their own time, especially if they're going through a crisis.
Of course you're going to have opinions about their situation, but it isn't always necessary to share that advice, especially unsolicited.Focus on your friend, and focus on giving them someone to confide in, so they work through the healing process.
If you have been through a similar situation as your friend, then you should use your past experiences to grant advice.
You can ask if they would like your advice, but don't be surprised if that isn't what they're really after. , Instead of offering advice, what you can offer is some actual help.
This can make a huge difference for someone who is struggling to cope with a difficult situation.
Even doing some little things can make a difference.
Help them out with some chores like doing their grocery shopping for them, helping clean their house, take their dog for a walk.
These basics tasks are usually the first to fall by the wayside when someone's life is coming apart. , Emotions involved in difficult life changes (illness, death of a loved one, divorce or break-up) tend to come in waves.
One day your friend might be coping okay with the change and the next day they're completely falling apart.
Never say something like "It seemed like you were doing okay, what happened," or "Haven't you grieved enough?" Tamp down on your own discomfort in the face of their emotions.
Sure, strong emotions especially from someone you care about can be hard to face.
Remember though, this isn't about you.
This is about your friend and the difficult time they're going through.
Make sure they feel comfortable enough to express their feelings around you. , Make sure that your friend knows that you are here to help them and support them.
While it's best to have more than one support buddy for your friend so the burden doesn't fall entirely to you, make a point of being one of those buddies for your friend.
Let your friend know they're not burdening you.
Say something like "Call me anytime you are feeling upset or overwhelmed! I want to help you deal with this difficult situation." This is especially important when it comes to breakups or divorces.
The support buddy is the person that they call when they want to call their ex. , When someone is going through a difficult life event, the basic functions of life tend to get forgotten.
This why people who are going through an illness or grieving a death and so on tend to forget to eat, stop caring for their physical appearance, and are less likely to leave the house.
Remind them to do things like shower, and exercise.
The best way to do this is to offer to go on a walk with them, or to take them out for coffee so they have to put a little effort into their appearance.
To get them to eat, it's good to bring over food so that they don't have to do the cooking and the washing up afterwards.
Or you can take them out to eat (or order in if they aren't up to much human interaction). , While many people have totally good intentions when it comes to helping someone having a tough time, you can overwhelm someone with your help.
You can also take away the power from them.
Times of divorce or illness, or the death of a loved one can have feelings of powerlessness.
Offer options.
Don't just take your friend to dinner, ask them where they want to dine and when they want to dine.
Letting them make decisions, even if they're small decisions can go long way towards reclaiming their power.
Don't spend lots of money on them.
Taking them to their nails done for cheap is one thing, but spending too much money on them will make them feel like they owe you and will make them feel like they can't care for themselves. , When there's a crisis in a friend's life it has a tendency to drag up all kinds of emotions in you, as well.
This is especially true if you've experienced something similar to what they're going through.
Set boundaries.
Even though you want to keep up with your friend as they struggle through their problems, you need to make sure that your life doesn't start to revolve around them.
Know what behaviors and situations trigger you.
If you're dealing with a friend who has recently escaped an abusive home, and that's something you've had to deal with, you might need to back off a little. , People have a tendency to be very solicitous towards someone immediately after their life falls apart, but fall away as time goes on.
Make sure you don't do this.
Make sure your friend knows that they can call on you if they need to, and that you keep up with how they're doing. -
Step 3: Offer practical help.
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Step 4: Let your friend deal with their emotions in their own time.
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Step 5: Offer to be a support buddy.
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Step 6: Encourage your friend to keep up with the basics.
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Step 7: Don't take over their life.
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Step 8: Take care of yourself.
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Step 9: Continue to check in.
Detailed Guide
When you find out that someone is going through a crisis, whether it's a divorce or break-up or an illness or the death of a loved one, get in contact with them as soon as possible.
People who are in a difficult or crisis situation tend to feel isolated.If the person is across the country or far away, make a phone call, send an email, or text them.
You don't have to mention that you know they're having a difficult time.
Just being there for them, asking them how they're doing, offering your support can be a huge boon to someone who's struggling with life.
While you shouldn't just drop in on someone unannounced, it can be a good thing to visit someone in person.
This is especially important if they're dealing with an illness that makes it difficult to leave the house.
People need to tell their stories in their own time, especially if they're going through a crisis.
Of course you're going to have opinions about their situation, but it isn't always necessary to share that advice, especially unsolicited.Focus on your friend, and focus on giving them someone to confide in, so they work through the healing process.
If you have been through a similar situation as your friend, then you should use your past experiences to grant advice.
You can ask if they would like your advice, but don't be surprised if that isn't what they're really after. , Instead of offering advice, what you can offer is some actual help.
This can make a huge difference for someone who is struggling to cope with a difficult situation.
Even doing some little things can make a difference.
Help them out with some chores like doing their grocery shopping for them, helping clean their house, take their dog for a walk.
These basics tasks are usually the first to fall by the wayside when someone's life is coming apart. , Emotions involved in difficult life changes (illness, death of a loved one, divorce or break-up) tend to come in waves.
One day your friend might be coping okay with the change and the next day they're completely falling apart.
Never say something like "It seemed like you were doing okay, what happened," or "Haven't you grieved enough?" Tamp down on your own discomfort in the face of their emotions.
Sure, strong emotions especially from someone you care about can be hard to face.
Remember though, this isn't about you.
This is about your friend and the difficult time they're going through.
Make sure they feel comfortable enough to express their feelings around you. , Make sure that your friend knows that you are here to help them and support them.
While it's best to have more than one support buddy for your friend so the burden doesn't fall entirely to you, make a point of being one of those buddies for your friend.
Let your friend know they're not burdening you.
Say something like "Call me anytime you are feeling upset or overwhelmed! I want to help you deal with this difficult situation." This is especially important when it comes to breakups or divorces.
The support buddy is the person that they call when they want to call their ex. , When someone is going through a difficult life event, the basic functions of life tend to get forgotten.
This why people who are going through an illness or grieving a death and so on tend to forget to eat, stop caring for their physical appearance, and are less likely to leave the house.
Remind them to do things like shower, and exercise.
The best way to do this is to offer to go on a walk with them, or to take them out for coffee so they have to put a little effort into their appearance.
To get them to eat, it's good to bring over food so that they don't have to do the cooking and the washing up afterwards.
Or you can take them out to eat (or order in if they aren't up to much human interaction). , While many people have totally good intentions when it comes to helping someone having a tough time, you can overwhelm someone with your help.
You can also take away the power from them.
Times of divorce or illness, or the death of a loved one can have feelings of powerlessness.
Offer options.
Don't just take your friend to dinner, ask them where they want to dine and when they want to dine.
Letting them make decisions, even if they're small decisions can go long way towards reclaiming their power.
Don't spend lots of money on them.
Taking them to their nails done for cheap is one thing, but spending too much money on them will make them feel like they owe you and will make them feel like they can't care for themselves. , When there's a crisis in a friend's life it has a tendency to drag up all kinds of emotions in you, as well.
This is especially true if you've experienced something similar to what they're going through.
Set boundaries.
Even though you want to keep up with your friend as they struggle through their problems, you need to make sure that your life doesn't start to revolve around them.
Know what behaviors and situations trigger you.
If you're dealing with a friend who has recently escaped an abusive home, and that's something you've had to deal with, you might need to back off a little. , People have a tendency to be very solicitous towards someone immediately after their life falls apart, but fall away as time goes on.
Make sure you don't do this.
Make sure your friend knows that they can call on you if they need to, and that you keep up with how they're doing.
About the Author
Amanda Jones
Specializes in breaking down complex crafts topics into simple steps.
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