How to Find Things to Talk About
Embrace small-talk., Pay attention to your environment., Ask questions that are simple but open-ended., Put a unique spin on the usual getting-to-know-you questions., Find out what the other person is interested in., Focus on positive topics., Focus...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Embrace small-talk.
Sometimes people dismiss small-talk for being superficial or shallow.
However, small-talk serves an important social function: it allows relative strangers to become acquainted with one another without causing either party stress or discomfort.Allow yourself to engage in small-talk without feeling bad or shallow.
Small-talk is important talk too! , Appropriate topics of conversation can depend quite a bit on the specific event you are attending.For example, you cannot talk politics at a work event, but political conversations are appropriate at a candidate's fundraiser.
Similarly, you will likely not want to "talk shop" at a friend's party, but you might want to do so at a work event.
In general it is a good idea to:
Consider the common thread that brought you both to the event (work, a mutual friend, a mutual interest) Steer clear of controversial topics unrelated to the event Remain polite and casual , An open-ended question is one that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no" and instead requires a more in-depth, personalized response.
Ask your conversation partner some simple, basic questions about their lives that will allow you to get to know them without violating their boundaries.
As a rule of thumb, anything you might be asked while setting up an online profile is game.
What’s your hometown? What was it like? Where do you work? What keeps you busy? What did you think about (such-and-such) movie? What kind of music do you like? What are your top five bands? Do you read? Which three books would you bring with you onto a desert island? , There are a number of traditional small-talk questions that have to do with your hobbies, job, and family.
Think about a few twists you can incorporate in order to let your small-talk go a bit deeper without violating any personal boundaries.
Some good options include:
What’s the best surprise your life has thrown you so far? What’s your oldest friend like? What would be your ideal job? What’s one thing you think you would be really good at if you made the time to pursue it? What’s your favorite thing about your job? , People love having a chance to share their passions; if you’re having trouble coming up with topics of your own, let the other person do all the heavy lifting by asking about a hobby, passion, or plan that they’re particularly excited about.This will put the other person at ease.
They might even return the favor by asking about your interests.
Who’s your favorite author/actor/musician/athlete? What do you like to do for fun? Do you sing or play any instruments? Do you play sports or dance? What are your secret talents? , People tend to bond more effectively over topics that are positive instead of negative, critical, or harping topics.Try to find a topic about which you are both passionate instead of resorting to insults or criticisms in order to generate conversation.
For example, don't make small-talk at a dinner party about how much you hated the soup: talk about how you enjoyed the dessert instead.
It is also a good idea to resist debating with your conversation partner.
Share ideas respectfully without resorting to negativity., If you get too wrapped up in the idea of having a lot of things to talk about, you might forget that one good topic can sustain a conversation for hours.
Only when you’ve dried up a topic should you move on to the next.
Of course, a good conversation tends to flow from topic to topic without effort; if you catch yourself thinking, "How did we end up on this subject?”, congratulations, you've got a good conversation going! , While the topic of conversation is important, your friendly demeanor might even be more significant to starting a successful conversation.Your relaxed attitude will put the other person at ease – and they will be more receptive to you because of it.
Smile, pay attention, and show your concern for other people's welfare. , One of the best ways to find something to talk about is to encourage your conversation partner to share her thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
If your conversation partner shares a detail about her life or tells a story, demonstrate your interest by following up.Make sure that you ask relevant questions.
Do not steer the conversation toward yourself.For example, you might ask things like: "Why do you enjoy that (sport/show/movie/band/etc.)?" "I like that band too! What is your favorite album of theirs?" "What first drew you to (their interest)?" "I've never traveled to Iceland.
What would you recommend a tourist do there?"
Even if you try to avoid controversial topics, sometimes they happen anyway.
Whether you or another person brings up a heated discussion topic, you can try to defuse it in a polite, careful way.For example, you might say: "Maybe we should leave the debating to the politicians and move on to another topic." "This is a difficult topic, but I doubt we'll solve it here.
Perhaps we can leave this for another time?" "This conversation actually reminds me of (a more neutral topic)."
If you can give your conversation partner a sincere, honest, appropriate compliment, feel free to do so.
That might spark a conversation and will help your conversation partner feel appreciated and comfortable.Some compliments might include: "I like your earrings.
Might I ask where you got them?" "The dish you brought to the potluck was delicious.
Where did you find the recipe?" "Soccer is a strenuous sport.
You must keep yourself in great shape!" You can also gush about the host of your event, especially if both you and your conversation partner are acquainted with the host., If both you and your conversation partner share a passion, that is terrific.
However, you can also take the opportunity to learn about new places, people, and ideas that you are unfamiliar with.Strike a balance between finding common ground and demonstrating curiosity about what is new to you.
For example, if both you and your conversation partner play tennis, you might ask what kind of racquet she prefers.
If you play tennis and she plays chess, you might ask about how chess tournaments are run and whether they differ from tennis tournaments. , Finding suitable topics to discuss is an important part of being a good conversationalist.
But knowing when to be silent is also key.
After all, you want your conversation partner to enjoy talking with you as well.Aim for a 50-50 split in your conversation to make sure everyone feels appreciated and valued. , You will be more likely to have interesting things to say if you have interesting thoughts about the world.Pay attention to the news, popular culture, art, and sports.
These will all provide you with easy ways to craft an interesting conversation that will be engaging to multiple persons.
Some great conversation starters related to current events include:
How a local sports team is doing An important local event (such as a concert, parade, or play) New movies, books, albums, and shows Significant news items , If you are gifted with the ability to tell good jokes and funny stories, feel free to use that as you seek topics of conversation.Don't force your sense of humor on others, but you can incorporate it into your conversation in a polite, friendly way.
Be sure that your sense of humor is not one that relies on insults, too much sarcasm, or scatological humor however.
These can be off-putting. , Don't pretend to be an expert in a topic with which you are unfamiliar.
Be honest and share your passions with others.
Don't force yourself into being something that you're not.While it helps to be witty, funny, and interesting, don't worry about meeting those high standards.
Simply be a pleasant, friendly version of your authentic self.
For example, rather than pretend to be an expert on traveling in Spain, you can simply say, "Oh! I've never been to Spain.
What is your favorite part of traveling there?"
Sometimes people are hesitant to contribute to conversations because their ideas are not unique, unconventional, or creative enough.
However, you shouldn't be ashamed of having thoughts that resemble other people's sometimes.If your knowledge of Monet doesn't go past what you learned in high school, feel free to share what you do know and learn from others with more experience. , If you've met your conversation partner before, ask a specific question related to your previous conversation.Were they preparing for a major work project or sporting event? Did they talk about their children or spouses? If you demonstrate that you were listening carefully in a previous conversation, they will feel appreciative and might open up to you. , Think about the strange, interesting, baffling, or funny things that happened to you recently.
Have you had any funny encounters or odd coincidences happen?Mention these to your conversation partners as a way to open up conversation. , If you notice that you or your conversation partner is distracted or bored, politely exit the conversation.
Simply make a polite excuse to mingle elsewhere and start other conversations.Remember that a successful conversation doesn't have to be a long one: short, friendly conversations are important too.
Some polite ways to end a conversation when its run its course include: "It was great to meet you! I'll give you a chance to mingle with some other people here." "It was a pleasure to talk to you about x.
Hopefully we'll run into each other again." "I'm afraid I have to go say hi to (my friend/the host/my boss).
I really enjoyed meeting you!" -
Step 2: Pay attention to your environment.
-
Step 3: Ask questions that are simple but open-ended.
-
Step 4: Put a unique spin on the usual getting-to-know-you questions.
-
Step 5: Find out what the other person is interested in.
-
Step 6: Focus on positive topics.
-
Step 7: Focus on conversation quality
-
Step 8: not the quantity of topics.
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Step 9: Be friendly.
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Step 10: Ask follow-up questions.
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Step 11: Defuse heated conversations.
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Step 12: Give compliments.
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Step 13: Find common interests but embrace differences.
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Step 14: Share the floor equally.
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Step 15: Pay attention to current events.
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Step 16: Show off your sense of humor.
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Step 17: Be yourself.
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Step 18: Don't be afraid of conventional or amateur thoughts.
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Step 19: Consider previous conversations with this person.
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Step 20: Think about interesting events from your own life.
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Step 21: End the conversation politely.
Detailed Guide
Sometimes people dismiss small-talk for being superficial or shallow.
However, small-talk serves an important social function: it allows relative strangers to become acquainted with one another without causing either party stress or discomfort.Allow yourself to engage in small-talk without feeling bad or shallow.
Small-talk is important talk too! , Appropriate topics of conversation can depend quite a bit on the specific event you are attending.For example, you cannot talk politics at a work event, but political conversations are appropriate at a candidate's fundraiser.
Similarly, you will likely not want to "talk shop" at a friend's party, but you might want to do so at a work event.
In general it is a good idea to:
Consider the common thread that brought you both to the event (work, a mutual friend, a mutual interest) Steer clear of controversial topics unrelated to the event Remain polite and casual , An open-ended question is one that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no" and instead requires a more in-depth, personalized response.
Ask your conversation partner some simple, basic questions about their lives that will allow you to get to know them without violating their boundaries.
As a rule of thumb, anything you might be asked while setting up an online profile is game.
What’s your hometown? What was it like? Where do you work? What keeps you busy? What did you think about (such-and-such) movie? What kind of music do you like? What are your top five bands? Do you read? Which three books would you bring with you onto a desert island? , There are a number of traditional small-talk questions that have to do with your hobbies, job, and family.
Think about a few twists you can incorporate in order to let your small-talk go a bit deeper without violating any personal boundaries.
Some good options include:
What’s the best surprise your life has thrown you so far? What’s your oldest friend like? What would be your ideal job? What’s one thing you think you would be really good at if you made the time to pursue it? What’s your favorite thing about your job? , People love having a chance to share their passions; if you’re having trouble coming up with topics of your own, let the other person do all the heavy lifting by asking about a hobby, passion, or plan that they’re particularly excited about.This will put the other person at ease.
They might even return the favor by asking about your interests.
Who’s your favorite author/actor/musician/athlete? What do you like to do for fun? Do you sing or play any instruments? Do you play sports or dance? What are your secret talents? , People tend to bond more effectively over topics that are positive instead of negative, critical, or harping topics.Try to find a topic about which you are both passionate instead of resorting to insults or criticisms in order to generate conversation.
For example, don't make small-talk at a dinner party about how much you hated the soup: talk about how you enjoyed the dessert instead.
It is also a good idea to resist debating with your conversation partner.
Share ideas respectfully without resorting to negativity., If you get too wrapped up in the idea of having a lot of things to talk about, you might forget that one good topic can sustain a conversation for hours.
Only when you’ve dried up a topic should you move on to the next.
Of course, a good conversation tends to flow from topic to topic without effort; if you catch yourself thinking, "How did we end up on this subject?”, congratulations, you've got a good conversation going! , While the topic of conversation is important, your friendly demeanor might even be more significant to starting a successful conversation.Your relaxed attitude will put the other person at ease – and they will be more receptive to you because of it.
Smile, pay attention, and show your concern for other people's welfare. , One of the best ways to find something to talk about is to encourage your conversation partner to share her thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
If your conversation partner shares a detail about her life or tells a story, demonstrate your interest by following up.Make sure that you ask relevant questions.
Do not steer the conversation toward yourself.For example, you might ask things like: "Why do you enjoy that (sport/show/movie/band/etc.)?" "I like that band too! What is your favorite album of theirs?" "What first drew you to (their interest)?" "I've never traveled to Iceland.
What would you recommend a tourist do there?"
Even if you try to avoid controversial topics, sometimes they happen anyway.
Whether you or another person brings up a heated discussion topic, you can try to defuse it in a polite, careful way.For example, you might say: "Maybe we should leave the debating to the politicians and move on to another topic." "This is a difficult topic, but I doubt we'll solve it here.
Perhaps we can leave this for another time?" "This conversation actually reminds me of (a more neutral topic)."
If you can give your conversation partner a sincere, honest, appropriate compliment, feel free to do so.
That might spark a conversation and will help your conversation partner feel appreciated and comfortable.Some compliments might include: "I like your earrings.
Might I ask where you got them?" "The dish you brought to the potluck was delicious.
Where did you find the recipe?" "Soccer is a strenuous sport.
You must keep yourself in great shape!" You can also gush about the host of your event, especially if both you and your conversation partner are acquainted with the host., If both you and your conversation partner share a passion, that is terrific.
However, you can also take the opportunity to learn about new places, people, and ideas that you are unfamiliar with.Strike a balance between finding common ground and demonstrating curiosity about what is new to you.
For example, if both you and your conversation partner play tennis, you might ask what kind of racquet she prefers.
If you play tennis and she plays chess, you might ask about how chess tournaments are run and whether they differ from tennis tournaments. , Finding suitable topics to discuss is an important part of being a good conversationalist.
But knowing when to be silent is also key.
After all, you want your conversation partner to enjoy talking with you as well.Aim for a 50-50 split in your conversation to make sure everyone feels appreciated and valued. , You will be more likely to have interesting things to say if you have interesting thoughts about the world.Pay attention to the news, popular culture, art, and sports.
These will all provide you with easy ways to craft an interesting conversation that will be engaging to multiple persons.
Some great conversation starters related to current events include:
How a local sports team is doing An important local event (such as a concert, parade, or play) New movies, books, albums, and shows Significant news items , If you are gifted with the ability to tell good jokes and funny stories, feel free to use that as you seek topics of conversation.Don't force your sense of humor on others, but you can incorporate it into your conversation in a polite, friendly way.
Be sure that your sense of humor is not one that relies on insults, too much sarcasm, or scatological humor however.
These can be off-putting. , Don't pretend to be an expert in a topic with which you are unfamiliar.
Be honest and share your passions with others.
Don't force yourself into being something that you're not.While it helps to be witty, funny, and interesting, don't worry about meeting those high standards.
Simply be a pleasant, friendly version of your authentic self.
For example, rather than pretend to be an expert on traveling in Spain, you can simply say, "Oh! I've never been to Spain.
What is your favorite part of traveling there?"
Sometimes people are hesitant to contribute to conversations because their ideas are not unique, unconventional, or creative enough.
However, you shouldn't be ashamed of having thoughts that resemble other people's sometimes.If your knowledge of Monet doesn't go past what you learned in high school, feel free to share what you do know and learn from others with more experience. , If you've met your conversation partner before, ask a specific question related to your previous conversation.Were they preparing for a major work project or sporting event? Did they talk about their children or spouses? If you demonstrate that you were listening carefully in a previous conversation, they will feel appreciative and might open up to you. , Think about the strange, interesting, baffling, or funny things that happened to you recently.
Have you had any funny encounters or odd coincidences happen?Mention these to your conversation partners as a way to open up conversation. , If you notice that you or your conversation partner is distracted or bored, politely exit the conversation.
Simply make a polite excuse to mingle elsewhere and start other conversations.Remember that a successful conversation doesn't have to be a long one: short, friendly conversations are important too.
Some polite ways to end a conversation when its run its course include: "It was great to meet you! I'll give you a chance to mingle with some other people here." "It was a pleasure to talk to you about x.
Hopefully we'll run into each other again." "I'm afraid I have to go say hi to (my friend/the host/my boss).
I really enjoyed meeting you!"
About the Author
Theresa Hughes
Writer and educator with a focus on practical lifestyle knowledge.
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