How to Forgive for Your Own Mental Health

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Talk to the person

   Forgiving someone does not mean that you are also forgetting what happened.
   
   You can choose to forgive someone’s actions when you feel ready, but it may take much longer to forget what happened.
   
   Deciding to forgive is something you do for yourself and you don’t always have to tell the person who wronged you that they are forgiven.
   
   However, you may find that speaking about the incident gives you the closure you need to move on.
   
   If you aren’t able to get in touch with the person, write a letter you may or may not send, or write down your “conversation” in a journal.
   
   This could be what you finally need to move on.
   
   For example, say, “I just want you to know that I forgive you for what happened.
   
   This doesn’t mean I think what you did was OK, but I have decided for my own mental health, to let it go.” If you want to rekindle the relationship, then you can put that out there.
   
   If not, it’s OK to tell the person you don’t want to have contact anymore, but you still forgive them for what happened.
2. 2

   Step 2: if you can.

   Taking a look at why the person did what they did may help you fully forgive.
   
   Was the person going through a stressful time? Did they misunderstand the situation that led to the incident? Examining what was going on with them could help you to learn how to prevent this from happening in the future.You may also want to think about the person’s past as you consider their point of view.
   
   For example, if you are trying to forgive a friend for betraying you, then consider what might have happened in their past that may have contributed to their behavior.
   
   Did they grow up in a dysfunctional family? Have they been betrayed by friends in the past? Identifying some of the potential causes of the person’s behavior may help you to develop empathy for them, which may make it easier for you to forgive them. , Part of completely forgiving someone also includes forgiving yourself.
   
   You may have reacted in a way that you aren’t proud of when the situation occurred, or you may blame yourself for what happened.
   
   Allowing yourself to feel better can allow you to completely move on from the situation and improve your mental health.
   
   For example, if your spouse was unfaithful, you may blame yourself for their betrayal.
   
   Understanding that what they did is not a reflection of your self-worth, and realizing that the affair isn’t your fault, can allow you to let go of any guilt or responsibility you may feel towards the situation., This may involve trying to rebuild your relationship with the person who hurt you or setting personal goals that help you to move forward from a trying situation.
   
   Whichever circumstance fits your case, making amends essentially involves action.
   
   Try asking the person what you can do to make amends.
   
   It is important to get their feedback before doing anything because what seems like a good way to make amends to you might not fit with the other person’s expectations.
   
   You might also take action to make amends with someone else by working on the shortcomings in the relationship.
   
   For example, if you forgave a spouse for infidelity, making amends may include attending couples' therapy and working on your communication to prevent future infidelity.
   
   Or, another option is to take action to make amends with yourself by initiating personal change.
   
   For instance, if you had to forgive yourself for being cheated on, you might take more time before becoming emotionally involved in your next relationship in order to grow as an individual and learn your needs. , If granting forgiveness to yourself or someone else is a difficult process, you can find assistance by participating in a support group.
   
   The type of group you join may depend on the circumstances.
   
   You may locate a group in your area or find one online.
   
   If you were estranged from a parent, you might find others who are in similar situations.
   
   If you are coping with the end of a marriage after infidelity, you might find a support group for the divorced.
3. 3

   Step 3: Consider the person’s point of view.

4. 4

   Step 4: Find closure for yourself.

5. 5

   Step 5: Make amends.You can enhance your own self-forgiveness by trying to make amends.

6. 6

   Step 6: Meet with a support group.

Detailed Guide

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