How to Get Your Best Friend Back
Tell them how you feel., Don’t make assumptions., Apologize., Use “I” statements., Take responsibility for your actions., Don’t assign blame., Suggest ways to work through your issues.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Tell them how you feel.
Your friend may miss you as much as you miss them, but one of you has to be the first to share those feelings.
Talk to your friend about how much you miss them, and assure them that they are a core part of your life.Say, “You’re like a sister to me, so not having you around is like losing part of my family.” If your friend has been spending a lot of time with a new friend or partner, let them know that you want some of their time, too.
Explain that you understand that the new person is important to them and stress that you aren’t trying to drive them apart.
Say, “I’m glad you found someone who makes you happy.
I just miss hanging out with you.” Be honest with your friend, even if you feel embarrassed.
You could say, “It’s been really hard for me lately because you’re my best friend.
I’m used to being able to talk to you everyday, but lately I’ve felt like you were too busy for me.” -
Step 2: Don’t make assumptions.
Don't be too clingy.
There are several reasons why your friend may be pulling away from you, so don’t think that a few unanswered texts or missed hangouts mean that you’ve lost your best friend.
It’s possible that your friend has been going through something stressful or time-demanding, leaving little social time available.Realize that your friend may have other things going on in their life that have nothing to do with you or any of their other friends.
If your friend has been spending a lot of time with someone else, consider that the other person may fit into your friend’s life in a way that you don’t.
For example, your friend and the new person may both be from divorced households, may share a similar cultural background, or may have both had to take care of an ill family member. , If you’ve done something wrong, apologizing is the first step to healing your friendship.
Simply saying “I’m sorry” usually isn’t enough.
You need to be detailed and specific.
Even if you don’t think the fight was your fault, you might have to take the high road and be the first to apologize.Show them that you know what you did and why it was wrong.
Say, “I’m sorry for forgetting your birthday.
I know that must have really hurt you because I would have been heartbroken if you’d forgotten mine.” , Don’t speak for both of you or project your feelings onto your friend.
You may have differing perspectives on what happened and what your intentions were, and that’s okay.
What’s important is that you are each able to share your own feelings on the situation and come to a point of understanding.Avoid statements like “You never listen to me!” Instead, say, “I felt like you weren't hearing me, and that made me feel frustrated.” , As you apologize, resist the urge to explain away your behavior.
Don’t make excuses, no matter how justified you felt in doing what you did or what was happening in your life.
Nothing excuses hurting your friend, just as they have no excuse for hurting you.For example, avoid saying, “I’m sorry I forgot about your birthday party.
I had a busy week and lost track of the days.” While this may be true, it weakens your apology because it shows that you feel like your behavior had some justification.
Say, “I know that what I did was wrong.” , Regardless of who started the fight or what was said, focus on moving forward.
Think about how much you want your best friend in your life, and remind yourself that pointing out who did what will only hurt the situation.Avoid statements like “I’m sorry you feel that way” because they put the blame on the other person.
You are telling the person that your behavior was okay, and they just overreacted.
If you feel like they are unfairly blaming you, say, “I’m hearing that you think this is all my fault.
Is that true?” If they reply yes, then you will be able to talk it out. , Talking to your friend will start the healing process, but may not be enough to fully restore your relationship.
Offer ideas for things you can do together, including a next step.
Healing your friendship will require work, and your apology will hold more weight if you show your friend that you have a plan.Ask them to go see a popular movie together.
You can spend time together without expectations of talking, and then you have a shared topic to discuss afterward that will put less pressure on you to find neutral topics. -
Step 3: Apologize.
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Step 4: Use “I” statements.
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Step 5: Take responsibility for your actions.
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Step 6: Don’t assign blame.
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Step 7: Suggest ways to work through your issues.
Detailed Guide
Your friend may miss you as much as you miss them, but one of you has to be the first to share those feelings.
Talk to your friend about how much you miss them, and assure them that they are a core part of your life.Say, “You’re like a sister to me, so not having you around is like losing part of my family.” If your friend has been spending a lot of time with a new friend or partner, let them know that you want some of their time, too.
Explain that you understand that the new person is important to them and stress that you aren’t trying to drive them apart.
Say, “I’m glad you found someone who makes you happy.
I just miss hanging out with you.” Be honest with your friend, even if you feel embarrassed.
You could say, “It’s been really hard for me lately because you’re my best friend.
I’m used to being able to talk to you everyday, but lately I’ve felt like you were too busy for me.”
Don't be too clingy.
There are several reasons why your friend may be pulling away from you, so don’t think that a few unanswered texts or missed hangouts mean that you’ve lost your best friend.
It’s possible that your friend has been going through something stressful or time-demanding, leaving little social time available.Realize that your friend may have other things going on in their life that have nothing to do with you or any of their other friends.
If your friend has been spending a lot of time with someone else, consider that the other person may fit into your friend’s life in a way that you don’t.
For example, your friend and the new person may both be from divorced households, may share a similar cultural background, or may have both had to take care of an ill family member. , If you’ve done something wrong, apologizing is the first step to healing your friendship.
Simply saying “I’m sorry” usually isn’t enough.
You need to be detailed and specific.
Even if you don’t think the fight was your fault, you might have to take the high road and be the first to apologize.Show them that you know what you did and why it was wrong.
Say, “I’m sorry for forgetting your birthday.
I know that must have really hurt you because I would have been heartbroken if you’d forgotten mine.” , Don’t speak for both of you or project your feelings onto your friend.
You may have differing perspectives on what happened and what your intentions were, and that’s okay.
What’s important is that you are each able to share your own feelings on the situation and come to a point of understanding.Avoid statements like “You never listen to me!” Instead, say, “I felt like you weren't hearing me, and that made me feel frustrated.” , As you apologize, resist the urge to explain away your behavior.
Don’t make excuses, no matter how justified you felt in doing what you did or what was happening in your life.
Nothing excuses hurting your friend, just as they have no excuse for hurting you.For example, avoid saying, “I’m sorry I forgot about your birthday party.
I had a busy week and lost track of the days.” While this may be true, it weakens your apology because it shows that you feel like your behavior had some justification.
Say, “I know that what I did was wrong.” , Regardless of who started the fight or what was said, focus on moving forward.
Think about how much you want your best friend in your life, and remind yourself that pointing out who did what will only hurt the situation.Avoid statements like “I’m sorry you feel that way” because they put the blame on the other person.
You are telling the person that your behavior was okay, and they just overreacted.
If you feel like they are unfairly blaming you, say, “I’m hearing that you think this is all my fault.
Is that true?” If they reply yes, then you will be able to talk it out. , Talking to your friend will start the healing process, but may not be enough to fully restore your relationship.
Offer ideas for things you can do together, including a next step.
Healing your friendship will require work, and your apology will hold more weight if you show your friend that you have a plan.Ask them to go see a popular movie together.
You can spend time together without expectations of talking, and then you have a shared topic to discuss afterward that will put less pressure on you to find neutral topics.
About the Author
Dorothy Ellis
Experienced content creator specializing in DIY projects guides and tutorials.
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