How to Have a Social Life
Make your social life a priority., Get ready to say yes to invitations., Don't be afraid of rejection., Add value to a social interaction., Keep things positive., Don't be too eager., Be more open-minded toward new people.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Make your social life a priority.
There are some reasons why your life may be lacking in the social life department.
It's likely that one of them is that you haven't made socializing a priority, favoring work, school, or your romantic relationship over getting out into the world and making friends.
If going out to the bars every night seems exhausting and unfulfilling at the end of the day, there are lots of other ways to make friends.
Because friends are after all, one of the main sources of meaning and fulfillment in a person's life.
Though you may be slammed with work and/or school, you need to tell yourself that the next time you have free time, you should devote it to a social activity instead of more work or more school.
Of course, you need your sleep.
Don't go out and socialize if you're grumpy and exhausted.
But try to manage your schedule so that you have some time to go out while you're feeling energized each week. -
Step 2: Get ready to say yes to invitations.
Chances are, you've gotten used to rejecting invitations, whether they've come from your neighbors, classmates, or co-workers.
Sure, your co-worker Martha's weekly bowling night may not sound like the most exciting way to spend your Friday, but it's better than your current plans...which involve you, a tub of fro-yo, and a 30 Rock marathon.
Get used to saying "Yes" to things unless you have a really good reason to say no.
Part of this change will come from adjusting your mindset.
The next time someone gives you an invitation, instead of scrambling to think of excuses to say no, consider it a positive thing, and think about all the benefits the experience may have for you.
You don't have to say "yes" to a person who you think is creepy or weird, of course.
But lets say you think your neighbor Jen is nice but a little boring, and she invites you to a BBQ at her place.
Not only could you see that she's more interesting than you thought, but it would be a great opportunity to meet other potential friends. , Another reason people don't socialize as much as they may want to is that they are afraid of being turned down, or are convinced that people secretly don't like them.
Well, if you want to make close, lasting friendships, as well as make your daily life more fun, then you have to put yourself out there more, even if you're afraid of getting burned.
Sure, rejection sucks.
But you know what else sucks? Spending a weekend hanging out with your cat.
Remind yourself that the worst thing that could happen is that you might not hit it off with a person, and could never hang out with that person again.
Is that really so bad? , Think about your strengths as a person, and the things that might draw others toward you.
There are a number of ways to add value to a social interaction, whether it's by being a generally fun, funny person to be around, or by being genuinely interested in what people have to say and being a good listener.
So, if you're just standing there, adding nothing, you're not adding value.
Make sure you contribute something, no hijinks required.
You may have a number of things to offer to different people.
One person may be blown away by your intelligence, while another would rather talk about music with you.
Find what works for every person.
Don't get nervous if you've been quiet and haven't found anything to contribute to a social interaction.
You'll get your chance. , You know who loves hanging out with people who complain too much or spend all of their time walking around with a sour look on their faces? No one.
Even if you're in a terrible mood or think there's no justice in the world, try not to let it show when you're interacting with people.
Start off by talking about light, positive topics, and you'll find yourself laughing in no time.
People are much more likely to want to hang out with you again if they have a positive experience and feed off of your positive energy.
This doesn't mean you should hide your true feelings or not let people know what's really on your mind.
You can open up and be positive and negative with people, but you should work on building casual friendships before you get too serious. , Though you should make socializing a priority and be excited by hanging out with new people, you shouldn't have "Hang out with me!" written all over your face.
When you're hanging out with a new person, you should act like you might never see that person again until the end of the day, when the time to exchange contact info will come.
Don't invite a person you just met to do nine million things with you, especially if some of them are pretty friend-intensive, like hanging out with your family.
If you both mention a movie you want to see, then sure, you can ask if that person wants to check it out with you, but don't start inviting the person to join every aspect of your life at once.
Though you may be tempted, don't say something like, "You're really cool
-- I hope we can be friends," or the person may be a little weirded out. , One of the reasons you may have trouble having a social life is because you tend to think that all new people are boring, stupid, or mean.
If you tend to think that no one is good enough to be your friend, or that you have nothing in common with almost anyone you meet, then you may have to rethink the situation.
Instead, try to look for all the good qualities of a person you meet, and consider all the things you might have in common, instead of focusing in on all the differences you may have.
If you tend to judge and think negatively of new people, then it may be a defense mechanism, a way of keeping yourself from being rejected by rejecting people before they've had a chance to get to know you.
If you really didn't think you have anything in common with a person you met, try talking about something completely different; if you were talking politics, switch to sports.
Sure, you may have widely different political views, but you may find that you have both had a life-long obsession with the 49ers.
Who knows, maybe you could end up being sports-watching buddies. -
Step 3: Don't be afraid of rejection.
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Step 4: Add value to a social interaction.
-
Step 5: Keep things positive.
-
Step 6: Don't be too eager.
-
Step 7: Be more open-minded toward new people.
Detailed Guide
There are some reasons why your life may be lacking in the social life department.
It's likely that one of them is that you haven't made socializing a priority, favoring work, school, or your romantic relationship over getting out into the world and making friends.
If going out to the bars every night seems exhausting and unfulfilling at the end of the day, there are lots of other ways to make friends.
Because friends are after all, one of the main sources of meaning and fulfillment in a person's life.
Though you may be slammed with work and/or school, you need to tell yourself that the next time you have free time, you should devote it to a social activity instead of more work or more school.
Of course, you need your sleep.
Don't go out and socialize if you're grumpy and exhausted.
But try to manage your schedule so that you have some time to go out while you're feeling energized each week.
Chances are, you've gotten used to rejecting invitations, whether they've come from your neighbors, classmates, or co-workers.
Sure, your co-worker Martha's weekly bowling night may not sound like the most exciting way to spend your Friday, but it's better than your current plans...which involve you, a tub of fro-yo, and a 30 Rock marathon.
Get used to saying "Yes" to things unless you have a really good reason to say no.
Part of this change will come from adjusting your mindset.
The next time someone gives you an invitation, instead of scrambling to think of excuses to say no, consider it a positive thing, and think about all the benefits the experience may have for you.
You don't have to say "yes" to a person who you think is creepy or weird, of course.
But lets say you think your neighbor Jen is nice but a little boring, and she invites you to a BBQ at her place.
Not only could you see that she's more interesting than you thought, but it would be a great opportunity to meet other potential friends. , Another reason people don't socialize as much as they may want to is that they are afraid of being turned down, or are convinced that people secretly don't like them.
Well, if you want to make close, lasting friendships, as well as make your daily life more fun, then you have to put yourself out there more, even if you're afraid of getting burned.
Sure, rejection sucks.
But you know what else sucks? Spending a weekend hanging out with your cat.
Remind yourself that the worst thing that could happen is that you might not hit it off with a person, and could never hang out with that person again.
Is that really so bad? , Think about your strengths as a person, and the things that might draw others toward you.
There are a number of ways to add value to a social interaction, whether it's by being a generally fun, funny person to be around, or by being genuinely interested in what people have to say and being a good listener.
So, if you're just standing there, adding nothing, you're not adding value.
Make sure you contribute something, no hijinks required.
You may have a number of things to offer to different people.
One person may be blown away by your intelligence, while another would rather talk about music with you.
Find what works for every person.
Don't get nervous if you've been quiet and haven't found anything to contribute to a social interaction.
You'll get your chance. , You know who loves hanging out with people who complain too much or spend all of their time walking around with a sour look on their faces? No one.
Even if you're in a terrible mood or think there's no justice in the world, try not to let it show when you're interacting with people.
Start off by talking about light, positive topics, and you'll find yourself laughing in no time.
People are much more likely to want to hang out with you again if they have a positive experience and feed off of your positive energy.
This doesn't mean you should hide your true feelings or not let people know what's really on your mind.
You can open up and be positive and negative with people, but you should work on building casual friendships before you get too serious. , Though you should make socializing a priority and be excited by hanging out with new people, you shouldn't have "Hang out with me!" written all over your face.
When you're hanging out with a new person, you should act like you might never see that person again until the end of the day, when the time to exchange contact info will come.
Don't invite a person you just met to do nine million things with you, especially if some of them are pretty friend-intensive, like hanging out with your family.
If you both mention a movie you want to see, then sure, you can ask if that person wants to check it out with you, but don't start inviting the person to join every aspect of your life at once.
Though you may be tempted, don't say something like, "You're really cool
-- I hope we can be friends," or the person may be a little weirded out. , One of the reasons you may have trouble having a social life is because you tend to think that all new people are boring, stupid, or mean.
If you tend to think that no one is good enough to be your friend, or that you have nothing in common with almost anyone you meet, then you may have to rethink the situation.
Instead, try to look for all the good qualities of a person you meet, and consider all the things you might have in common, instead of focusing in on all the differences you may have.
If you tend to judge and think negatively of new people, then it may be a defense mechanism, a way of keeping yourself from being rejected by rejecting people before they've had a chance to get to know you.
If you really didn't think you have anything in common with a person you met, try talking about something completely different; if you were talking politics, switch to sports.
Sure, you may have widely different political views, but you may find that you have both had a life-long obsession with the 49ers.
Who knows, maybe you could end up being sports-watching buddies.
About the Author
Amber Russell
Committed to making cooking accessible and understandable for everyone.
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