How to Not Be Controlled by Your Best Friend
Practice saying “No.” Learning how to say “no” is an important part of being assertive., Tell your friend what you need., Explain how certain behaviors affect you., Give gentle reminders.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Practice saying “No.” Learning how to say “no” is an important part of being assertive.
However, if you often say yes, even if you don’t want to, then this can be challenging.
Try to remind yourself that saying no is not selfish, it is healthy.Try to pay attention to your needs and say no when you feel that you should.
For example, if you friend has asked you to help her with her homework, but you already have other plans, then it is okay to say no.
You are not responsible for your friend’s work.
Don’t give lots of excuses when you say no because this can provide ways for your friend to try and talk you into doing what she wants.
Instead, just keep it simple by saying something like, “No, I can’t do that.” -
Step 2: Tell your friend what you need.
If you don’t express your needs in a clear way, then it will be hard for your friend to know that something is bothering you.
Instead of staying silent, be direct and tell your friend what you need.Your friend will probably appreciate your honesty and want to preserve the friendship.
Tell your friend that you want him or her to stop bossing you around by saying something like, “It upsets me when you tell me what to do.
I would like it if you could stop doing that.” You could also mention specific things that you need.
For example, you might tell your friend, “I need you to listen to me sometimes.” Or, “I need you to be more supportive and less critical of my decisions.” , A lot of times, your best friend may not realize that he or she is being controlling.
In many cases, it is simply their personality to take charge.
Explaining that your friend’s behavior is upsetting to you sometimes can help your friend to make changes.
For example, you could say, "Hey, I know you don't mean to, but most of the time I feel ignored when you don't pay attention to what I want to do." You could also try, "I know your heart is in the right place, but I want to be in charge sometimes.
It feels like you don't care what I think, even though I know you don't mean it." For an even more assertive approach, you could say something like, “I am going to take the initiative and plan our lunch date this time.” , After you have explained that you are unwilling to be controlled by them anymore, you can set in place a system that helps your friend learn new ways of interacting with you.
For example, instead of being rude and insulting them the next time they try to take over in a situation, you can be polite and say, “I get what you’re trying to say, but I want to figure this out on my own.”Since your friend is learning a new habit, it may take weeks of reminding them that you don’t want to be controlled anymore for them to get it.
Be gentle in your reminders, saying something like, "Hey, remember when I said that I wanted to decide where we go more often?" -
Step 3: Explain how certain behaviors affect you.
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Step 4: Give gentle reminders.
Detailed Guide
However, if you often say yes, even if you don’t want to, then this can be challenging.
Try to remind yourself that saying no is not selfish, it is healthy.Try to pay attention to your needs and say no when you feel that you should.
For example, if you friend has asked you to help her with her homework, but you already have other plans, then it is okay to say no.
You are not responsible for your friend’s work.
Don’t give lots of excuses when you say no because this can provide ways for your friend to try and talk you into doing what she wants.
Instead, just keep it simple by saying something like, “No, I can’t do that.”
If you don’t express your needs in a clear way, then it will be hard for your friend to know that something is bothering you.
Instead of staying silent, be direct and tell your friend what you need.Your friend will probably appreciate your honesty and want to preserve the friendship.
Tell your friend that you want him or her to stop bossing you around by saying something like, “It upsets me when you tell me what to do.
I would like it if you could stop doing that.” You could also mention specific things that you need.
For example, you might tell your friend, “I need you to listen to me sometimes.” Or, “I need you to be more supportive and less critical of my decisions.” , A lot of times, your best friend may not realize that he or she is being controlling.
In many cases, it is simply their personality to take charge.
Explaining that your friend’s behavior is upsetting to you sometimes can help your friend to make changes.
For example, you could say, "Hey, I know you don't mean to, but most of the time I feel ignored when you don't pay attention to what I want to do." You could also try, "I know your heart is in the right place, but I want to be in charge sometimes.
It feels like you don't care what I think, even though I know you don't mean it." For an even more assertive approach, you could say something like, “I am going to take the initiative and plan our lunch date this time.” , After you have explained that you are unwilling to be controlled by them anymore, you can set in place a system that helps your friend learn new ways of interacting with you.
For example, instead of being rude and insulting them the next time they try to take over in a situation, you can be polite and say, “I get what you’re trying to say, but I want to figure this out on my own.”Since your friend is learning a new habit, it may take weeks of reminding them that you don’t want to be controlled anymore for them to get it.
Be gentle in your reminders, saying something like, "Hey, remember when I said that I wanted to decide where we go more often?"
About the Author
Megan Thomas
A passionate writer with expertise in cooking topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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