How to React when Your Apology isn't Accepted
Keep your facial expressions neutral., Take a deep breath., Avoid the defensive., Analyze possible solutions., Put yourself in their shoes., Take a break.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Keep your facial expressions neutral.
When apologizing, you are likely being very honest and humble.
When that apology is not accepted, it might make you angry, causing your face to tense up or perhaps even turn red.
Work to remain as calm as possible.
Though it is okay to cry or to express sadness, do not beg, plead, or yell.
For instance, perhaps your boss rolls his eyes while you are apologizing for missing a deadline.
Instead of furrowing your brows or rolling your eyes too, keep your face completely neutral.
Before delivering the apology, practice some self-soothing techniques so that you can be at peace.
Consider meditating beforehand or saying a quick prayer. -
Step 2: Take a deep breath.
When your apology is rejected, take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth.
Do so until you feel calm and ready to either reopen the discussion or walk away.For instance, if your friend refuses your apology, you can practice deep breathing so that you don’t react negatively to them.
No need to breathe loudly as this can be perceived as aggressive.
Make your breaths slow and steady. , Though your feelings are likely hurt, avoid being defensive.
Do not insult them just because they did not accept your apology; this will only make matters worse.
If you can think of nothing positive to say, simply say “okay” and walk away.
Avoid making comments like “Well, I didn’t care if you accepted my apology, anyway” or “You were never a good friend to me.” Now is not the time for bickering. , In the moment, perhaps an apology is not the best way to mend an issue.
Consider whether or not there are any quick fixes that you can employ.
You can even try asking them if there is anything that you can do to fix it.For instance, if you knock someone’s ice cream from their hand and say “sorry,” this might not be accepted.
However, if you buy them a new ice cream, the issue can be quickly resolved. , Before reacting negatively to having your apology rejected, take a moment to consider things from their perspective.
Perhaps their refusal has nothing to do with you and is more about them having a bad day in general.
Reflect on any observations that you’ve had of them that day that could indicate that other factors are at hand.Perhaps you accidentally made an error on a project and your coworker is upset.
However, if earlier in the day, your boss yelled at them, this could be at the core of their bad mood.
Reconnect with them at a later time when they are in a better mood. , Sometimes, an apology has to happen at the right time in order for it to be well received.
Now could be a bad time for the two of you.
Let them know that you are going to step away from the situation for a bit, but that you will be speaking to them soon.Say something like “Hey, why don’t we both take a few minutes and then reconnect later? I would really like to continue talking but want to clear my head for a bit.” -
Step 3: Avoid the defensive.
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Step 4: Analyze possible solutions.
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Step 5: Put yourself in their shoes.
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Step 6: Take a break.
Detailed Guide
When apologizing, you are likely being very honest and humble.
When that apology is not accepted, it might make you angry, causing your face to tense up or perhaps even turn red.
Work to remain as calm as possible.
Though it is okay to cry or to express sadness, do not beg, plead, or yell.
For instance, perhaps your boss rolls his eyes while you are apologizing for missing a deadline.
Instead of furrowing your brows or rolling your eyes too, keep your face completely neutral.
Before delivering the apology, practice some self-soothing techniques so that you can be at peace.
Consider meditating beforehand or saying a quick prayer.
When your apology is rejected, take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth.
Do so until you feel calm and ready to either reopen the discussion or walk away.For instance, if your friend refuses your apology, you can practice deep breathing so that you don’t react negatively to them.
No need to breathe loudly as this can be perceived as aggressive.
Make your breaths slow and steady. , Though your feelings are likely hurt, avoid being defensive.
Do not insult them just because they did not accept your apology; this will only make matters worse.
If you can think of nothing positive to say, simply say “okay” and walk away.
Avoid making comments like “Well, I didn’t care if you accepted my apology, anyway” or “You were never a good friend to me.” Now is not the time for bickering. , In the moment, perhaps an apology is not the best way to mend an issue.
Consider whether or not there are any quick fixes that you can employ.
You can even try asking them if there is anything that you can do to fix it.For instance, if you knock someone’s ice cream from their hand and say “sorry,” this might not be accepted.
However, if you buy them a new ice cream, the issue can be quickly resolved. , Before reacting negatively to having your apology rejected, take a moment to consider things from their perspective.
Perhaps their refusal has nothing to do with you and is more about them having a bad day in general.
Reflect on any observations that you’ve had of them that day that could indicate that other factors are at hand.Perhaps you accidentally made an error on a project and your coworker is upset.
However, if earlier in the day, your boss yelled at them, this could be at the core of their bad mood.
Reconnect with them at a later time when they are in a better mood. , Sometimes, an apology has to happen at the right time in order for it to be well received.
Now could be a bad time for the two of you.
Let them know that you are going to step away from the situation for a bit, but that you will be speaking to them soon.Say something like “Hey, why don’t we both take a few minutes and then reconnect later? I would really like to continue talking but want to clear my head for a bit.”
About the Author
Marilyn Palmer
Enthusiastic about teaching practical skills techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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