How to Set Boundaries with a Clingy Person Recovering from Abuse
Realize that boundary-setting promotes self-love and respect., Identify what you like and don’t like about this relationship., Figure out when the lines were crossed in this relationship., Learn about yourself.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Realize that boundary-setting promotes self-love and respect.
No matter your relationship with the other person, you have one special relationship that you are obliged to nourish and protect: your relationship with yourself.
The act of setting boundaries is a matter of self-respect and protection as doing so ensures that the relationships around you are fulfilling and nurturing—not manipulative or exhausting.Have confidence in your decision to set personal boundaries, even though the process may feel like a betrayal to your loved one at first.
Keep in mind that your ability to successfully set healthy boundaries will actually benefit your abused loved one in the end.
While you may feel guilty at first, remind yourself that it is not your responsibility to solve your loved one's problems.
This is work that they must do themselves with the support of a therapist.
This does not mean you can't listen to them and support them, but it does mean they can't expect you to be available 24/7. -
Step 2: Identify what you like and don’t like about this relationship.
Contemplate the specific characteristics of the other person that are energizing for you, and those that are draining.
Victims of abuse may take on a victim mentality in which they come off as constantly complaining or helpless, even when they don’t realize it.
As a result, the relationship may feel one-sided and unfulfilling.
Make a list of the characteristics of this relationship that are both undesirable and desirable.
Pay close attention to the traits you list that are negative as these will shed insight into where you’ll want to start drawing boundary lines.
For instance, you might dislike the fact that you seem to have to spend all your free time with this person., Pinpointing when your boundaries were crossed can help you recognize your limitations in the relationship.
This will guide you in forming healthy boundaries with your loved one in the future.
For instance, was your relationship with this person always characterized by their neediness, or did the clingy behavior arise after a certain event? Perhaps you were able to tolerate the clinginess up to a certain point until it became more apparent or worsened in some way., Solitude is an exercise in self-knowledge and clarity.
When you are constantly enmeshed in relationships or in the presence of others, it becomes difficult to distinguish your own decisions from those that have been influenced by others.
Solo time gives you the opportunity to act in your best interests without having to react or respond to others.
Solitude can benefit not just your relationships but your psychological health, too.Screen your calls for a few days, only taking those which can be classified as urgent.
Engage in activities that you find life-giving or indulgent such as visiting a spa, eating at a nice restaurant, or snuggling in bed with a book all day.
Plan a weekend getaway to a nearby city or rural area to explore a new place.
Reflect on how your itinerary differs because no one else is with you. -
Step 3: Figure out when the lines were crossed in this relationship.
-
Step 4: Learn about yourself.
Detailed Guide
No matter your relationship with the other person, you have one special relationship that you are obliged to nourish and protect: your relationship with yourself.
The act of setting boundaries is a matter of self-respect and protection as doing so ensures that the relationships around you are fulfilling and nurturing—not manipulative or exhausting.Have confidence in your decision to set personal boundaries, even though the process may feel like a betrayal to your loved one at first.
Keep in mind that your ability to successfully set healthy boundaries will actually benefit your abused loved one in the end.
While you may feel guilty at first, remind yourself that it is not your responsibility to solve your loved one's problems.
This is work that they must do themselves with the support of a therapist.
This does not mean you can't listen to them and support them, but it does mean they can't expect you to be available 24/7.
Contemplate the specific characteristics of the other person that are energizing for you, and those that are draining.
Victims of abuse may take on a victim mentality in which they come off as constantly complaining or helpless, even when they don’t realize it.
As a result, the relationship may feel one-sided and unfulfilling.
Make a list of the characteristics of this relationship that are both undesirable and desirable.
Pay close attention to the traits you list that are negative as these will shed insight into where you’ll want to start drawing boundary lines.
For instance, you might dislike the fact that you seem to have to spend all your free time with this person., Pinpointing when your boundaries were crossed can help you recognize your limitations in the relationship.
This will guide you in forming healthy boundaries with your loved one in the future.
For instance, was your relationship with this person always characterized by their neediness, or did the clingy behavior arise after a certain event? Perhaps you were able to tolerate the clinginess up to a certain point until it became more apparent or worsened in some way., Solitude is an exercise in self-knowledge and clarity.
When you are constantly enmeshed in relationships or in the presence of others, it becomes difficult to distinguish your own decisions from those that have been influenced by others.
Solo time gives you the opportunity to act in your best interests without having to react or respond to others.
Solitude can benefit not just your relationships but your psychological health, too.Screen your calls for a few days, only taking those which can be classified as urgent.
Engage in activities that you find life-giving or indulgent such as visiting a spa, eating at a nice restaurant, or snuggling in bed with a book all day.
Plan a weekend getaway to a nearby city or rural area to explore a new place.
Reflect on how your itinerary differs because no one else is with you.
About the Author
Helen Price
Committed to making home improvement accessible and understandable for everyone.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: