How to Stand up for Yourself when Your Best Friend Is Being a Jerk
Think about what your best friend is usually like., Consider what your best friend is capable of., Let out your anger, sadness or disappointment., Consider writing down what is bothering you most., Show your pain., Talk to your friend openly., Argue...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Think about what your best friend is usually like.
Is this behavior typical or your best friend or is it something that appears to have started recently? If it has started recently, is there anything bothering your friend perhaps? Maybe something has changed in his or her life, at home or school, to make your friend behave in an unkind way.
While this isn't an excuse to behave badly, it might help you to better understand where your friend is coming from. -
Step 2: Consider what your best friend is capable of.
Nobody knows your best friend better than you, right? Sometimes girls or boys need to learn how to be a true friend.
Back off for awhile and see what happens.
Don't answer when your friend talks; you can see what they will do from their reaction.
If they are upset, you know your friend's not hurting you on purpose.
If your friend's living her or his life just fine by being mean-spirited, then it's probable that you have a problem. , You could talk to your other best friend, or your teacher, or you mom, or your dad, or anyone in whom you have trust.
Let people know you are angry, sad or disappointed and that your friendship isn't shaping up how you'd like it to be.
Just make sure that whoever you talk to won't spread the word, or things will get tricky. , What things are hurting you about your friend's behavior? What feelings are you experiencing as a result? Writing it down can help you to clarify what is really going on, allowing you to develop a solid way of expressing yourself verbally when you confront your friend later. , Act a little strangely around your friend.
Act depressed, angry or undeniably unhappy.
See what your friend's reaction is to that.
If you're depressed, see if they will cheer you up.
If not, then your friend may not be invested in the friendship. , Let your friend know you are upset with him or her.
Tell your friend calmly, so that you won't both start a stupid fight with each other.
Tell your friend that you can't take her or his harmful acts anymore.
The worst thing she or he will do is push you back, but don't push your friend over the edge.
He or she might get worse.
Just don't get violent, that will get you both a trip to the principal's office. , Stay calm, make eye contact and make strong points about the bad behavior and how it affects you.
Do not name call or suggest that your friend has personality defects.
Stay focused on the mean-spirited acts, the rudeness and the bad behavior.
Do not repeat yourself.
If your friend starts to swear or insult, you know they don't know what to say and are replacing words with insults and cusses while they think up a new point.
This means that they know your points have validity.
While they are vulnerable, throw your last few points in, with maybe a couple of references too, such as: "I believe that drinking at this age to make yourself seem bigger than everyone else is just sad.
Addiction is serious." Then simply state that there is no point in carrying on this argument and that it's okay to be confused in your opinions but that that is no reason to be mean. , If this person has made it clear he or she is not willing to be a good friend to you, let it go or it will only continue to be harmful.
Stay away from this friend and avoid her or him.
Just think, it could be one of the best things you've ever done.
There are new friends waiting out there for you to discover. -
Step 3: Let out your anger
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Step 4: sadness or disappointment.
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Step 5: Consider writing down what is bothering you most.
-
Step 6: Show your pain.
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Step 7: Talk to your friend openly.
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Step 8: Argue calmly.
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Step 9: If your friend just doesn't get it and won't back off and return to being a good friend
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Step 10: don't be this person's friend anymore.
Detailed Guide
Is this behavior typical or your best friend or is it something that appears to have started recently? If it has started recently, is there anything bothering your friend perhaps? Maybe something has changed in his or her life, at home or school, to make your friend behave in an unkind way.
While this isn't an excuse to behave badly, it might help you to better understand where your friend is coming from.
Nobody knows your best friend better than you, right? Sometimes girls or boys need to learn how to be a true friend.
Back off for awhile and see what happens.
Don't answer when your friend talks; you can see what they will do from their reaction.
If they are upset, you know your friend's not hurting you on purpose.
If your friend's living her or his life just fine by being mean-spirited, then it's probable that you have a problem. , You could talk to your other best friend, or your teacher, or you mom, or your dad, or anyone in whom you have trust.
Let people know you are angry, sad or disappointed and that your friendship isn't shaping up how you'd like it to be.
Just make sure that whoever you talk to won't spread the word, or things will get tricky. , What things are hurting you about your friend's behavior? What feelings are you experiencing as a result? Writing it down can help you to clarify what is really going on, allowing you to develop a solid way of expressing yourself verbally when you confront your friend later. , Act a little strangely around your friend.
Act depressed, angry or undeniably unhappy.
See what your friend's reaction is to that.
If you're depressed, see if they will cheer you up.
If not, then your friend may not be invested in the friendship. , Let your friend know you are upset with him or her.
Tell your friend calmly, so that you won't both start a stupid fight with each other.
Tell your friend that you can't take her or his harmful acts anymore.
The worst thing she or he will do is push you back, but don't push your friend over the edge.
He or she might get worse.
Just don't get violent, that will get you both a trip to the principal's office. , Stay calm, make eye contact and make strong points about the bad behavior and how it affects you.
Do not name call or suggest that your friend has personality defects.
Stay focused on the mean-spirited acts, the rudeness and the bad behavior.
Do not repeat yourself.
If your friend starts to swear or insult, you know they don't know what to say and are replacing words with insults and cusses while they think up a new point.
This means that they know your points have validity.
While they are vulnerable, throw your last few points in, with maybe a couple of references too, such as: "I believe that drinking at this age to make yourself seem bigger than everyone else is just sad.
Addiction is serious." Then simply state that there is no point in carrying on this argument and that it's okay to be confused in your opinions but that that is no reason to be mean. , If this person has made it clear he or she is not willing to be a good friend to you, let it go or it will only continue to be harmful.
Stay away from this friend and avoid her or him.
Just think, it could be one of the best things you've ever done.
There are new friends waiting out there for you to discover.
About the Author
Daniel Rodriguez
Writer and educator with a focus on practical creative arts knowledge.
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