How to Start a Conversation Online
Stop thinking so much about it., Pick a convenient time., Start small., Ask about a common interest., Compliment the person., Ask a question., Be careful with stock pickup lines.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Stop thinking so much about it.
If you're trying to get to know someone (and, perhaps, to woo them), the goal of these first few online conversations is to help them understand who you are as a person.
You want to be yourself, and a script will only get you so far.
Striking up a conversation online is hard for almost everyone.
You're not the first, and you won't be the last.
Worst case, it'll be a learning experience.
Best case, you'll connect with somebody in a deep way.
Neither case applies until you try. -
Step 2: Pick a convenient time.
Try to message the person when they're online.
It may be easier to get a conversation going in real-time than to count on someone to respond later on.
Pick a time when you don't have anywhere to be.
You don't want to be stressed-out, and you want to give the conversation a chance to grow. , Send the person a short message and ask them how they're doing.
A "Hey.
How's it going?" will do.
You may find that you feel much looser once you get the conversation going--there's no turning back now! They will likely respond with how they're doing, then ask you how you're doing.
Be prepared to say how you're doing.
Avoid dead-end answers like "I'm good." Anyone can be "good".
Respond with something that tells your conversation partner about who you are, such as "I'm good! My friend and I explored this abandoned house up in the hills today.
It was really cool but super spooky" or "My dance team just made it to nationals.
I'm so excited!" Mention things that make you seem interesting, but avoid bragging. , This is a classic, tried-and-true conversation opener.
If you're in a class together, ask what the homework assignment is.
If you're in a club together, ask about an upcoming club event.
This can break the ice in a very natural way, opening the gates to a deeper talk.
Try something like this: "Hey- I completely blanked and forgot to write down the homework for English today.
Did you happen to get it?" Or this: "Hey, do you know when our next track meet is? I must have tuned out when coach announced it during practice today..."
If a person does something worthy of praise, it's natural to compliment them.
This can be another great way to break the ice and make the person feel appreciated.
Don't overdo it--be sparing with your compliments, or they may come across as flattery.
If you're in a class together: "You did a great job on your presentation today! I never thought I'd learn so much about Ulysses S.
Grant!" If you're on a team together: "Nice work in the 100-yard sprint at the meet today.
You really put the team on your back"
If you've met someone on a dating site like OKCupid or a dating app like Tinder, then you probably don't have any real-life connections to talk about.
Ask the person an open-ended question about themselves.
Take your inspiration from their profile.For example: "I see you're into hip hop.
Been to any good shows lately?" Or: "I dig your beard.
How long have you been growing that sucker?"
Pickup lines can backfire: they work on some people, but they turn off others.
These lines can come across as cheesy or manipulative, especially if they aren't something that you thought of yourself.
Try to come across as genuine, and if that includes a pickup line--then you do you! -
Step 3: Start small.
-
Step 4: Ask about a common interest.
-
Step 5: Compliment the person.
-
Step 6: Ask a question.
-
Step 7: Be careful with stock pickup lines.
Detailed Guide
If you're trying to get to know someone (and, perhaps, to woo them), the goal of these first few online conversations is to help them understand who you are as a person.
You want to be yourself, and a script will only get you so far.
Striking up a conversation online is hard for almost everyone.
You're not the first, and you won't be the last.
Worst case, it'll be a learning experience.
Best case, you'll connect with somebody in a deep way.
Neither case applies until you try.
Try to message the person when they're online.
It may be easier to get a conversation going in real-time than to count on someone to respond later on.
Pick a time when you don't have anywhere to be.
You don't want to be stressed-out, and you want to give the conversation a chance to grow. , Send the person a short message and ask them how they're doing.
A "Hey.
How's it going?" will do.
You may find that you feel much looser once you get the conversation going--there's no turning back now! They will likely respond with how they're doing, then ask you how you're doing.
Be prepared to say how you're doing.
Avoid dead-end answers like "I'm good." Anyone can be "good".
Respond with something that tells your conversation partner about who you are, such as "I'm good! My friend and I explored this abandoned house up in the hills today.
It was really cool but super spooky" or "My dance team just made it to nationals.
I'm so excited!" Mention things that make you seem interesting, but avoid bragging. , This is a classic, tried-and-true conversation opener.
If you're in a class together, ask what the homework assignment is.
If you're in a club together, ask about an upcoming club event.
This can break the ice in a very natural way, opening the gates to a deeper talk.
Try something like this: "Hey- I completely blanked and forgot to write down the homework for English today.
Did you happen to get it?" Or this: "Hey, do you know when our next track meet is? I must have tuned out when coach announced it during practice today..."
If a person does something worthy of praise, it's natural to compliment them.
This can be another great way to break the ice and make the person feel appreciated.
Don't overdo it--be sparing with your compliments, or they may come across as flattery.
If you're in a class together: "You did a great job on your presentation today! I never thought I'd learn so much about Ulysses S.
Grant!" If you're on a team together: "Nice work in the 100-yard sprint at the meet today.
You really put the team on your back"
If you've met someone on a dating site like OKCupid or a dating app like Tinder, then you probably don't have any real-life connections to talk about.
Ask the person an open-ended question about themselves.
Take your inspiration from their profile.For example: "I see you're into hip hop.
Been to any good shows lately?" Or: "I dig your beard.
How long have you been growing that sucker?"
Pickup lines can backfire: they work on some people, but they turn off others.
These lines can come across as cheesy or manipulative, especially if they aren't something that you thought of yourself.
Try to come across as genuine, and if that includes a pickup line--then you do you!
About the Author
Scott Perry
A seasoned expert in education and learning, Scott Perry combines 12 years of experience with a passion for teaching. Scott's guides are known for their clarity and practical value.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: