How to Survive a Negative Friend
Avoid being critical toward your friend., Take responsibility for your own happiness., Manifest your own positivity., Avoid matching his negativity., Be compassionate., Protect yourself., Consider seeing a therapist.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Avoid being critical toward your friend.
Lecturing your friend about his negative patterns can make him feel even worse, and he may turn on you.
Criticism is difficult for everyone, but it’s especially difficult for someone with negative thoughts and emotions circulating in his head.Trying to vent to him about his own behavior may just escalate the situation and make him feel attacked.
Provide a supportive environment to the best of your abilities. -
Step 2: Take responsibility for your own happiness.
If you let your happiness depend on a negative person, it will end in disaster.
Keep your emotional distance from a negative friend.
Avoid getting sucked into his world and then needing to solve his problems in order to be happy yourself., One of the most effective methods for helping a negative friend, and helping yourself too, is to remain positive in the face of his negativity.
This will keep you happy and show your friend an alternative to the way he sees things and acts in the world.
Take a break.
Humans can "catch" emotions; in other words, the emotions of people around you are likely to rub off on you.Even if you are a very positive person, if you are around negativity too much, it may make it harder to maintain your positive outlook.
Take a break from your friend's negativity sometimes.
Another way to maintain your positivity is to stay in tune with your own emotional experience.
If you're starting to feel negativity rubbing off on you, check in with yourself and remind yourself that that isn't something you want.
For example, "I'm starting to feel angry at restaurant servers because my friend has been complaining for five minutes about ours.
I don't have a problem with our server.
This anger isn't mine." You'll be more able to sustain your own positivity if you focus on it.Use humor.
Redefining a negative experience in humorous terms can help counteract the brain's natural impulse to focus on the negativity of a situation.The next time your friend starts in on a rant, flip the situation humorously: "I'm sorry your car didn't start and you had to run for the bus.
But hey, you did say you've been wanting to get more exercise, right?" Remind yourself when your friend's negativity is irrational.
It can be easier to maintain your own positivity if you disengage from irrational negativity.
For example, if your friend is complaining that your night is ruined because you have to see a movie in 2D instead of 3D, remind yourself that this is completely irrational.
You still get to see the movie, and you can still have an enjoyable evening.
Disengage from your friend's irrational thought trap., It may be tempting to join your friend in negativity.
Research shows that people would actually rather do an unenjoyable activity with friends than an enjoyable activity alone.However, reinforcing the negativity will only make it worse.
He will think that it’s acceptable and you may even push him farther into negativity. , Research on compassion suggests that it’s a “win-win” way to treat people.There are mental and physical health benefits associated with being compassionate, such as buffering you against stress and increasing your social connectedness.
Social connectedness has its own benefits, such as increasing your immune system.
Compassion also helps others.
Acts of compassion create compassion in the other person as well.
Giving freely can cause the other person to want to give freely.
Basically, compassion is a great way to keep yourself and the people around you healthy.
For example, look for ways you can help your friend.
If his car dies, offer to give him a ride or jump start his battery.
If he complains about a family member, offer to let him vent to you.
These small gestures will produce a big effect in both of your lives. , It’s unpleasant to “break up” with a friend, but sometimes it’s the best option.
It’s good to brush negativity off and genuinely accept a friend despite the cloud hanging over his head.
However, sometimes the negativity is too much, and you may need to say goodbye.
If it comes to that, feel good about the fact that you care about yourself enough to avoid the black hole of negativity.Sometimes, friends' negativity can trigger unpleasant or traumatic memories from our own past.
For example, if you have recovered from a past substance abuse problem and your friend is constantly complaining that her family wants her to stop doing drugs, this negativity could trigger painful memories of your own past.
If your friend's negativity continues to "push your buttons" or cause painful triggering, it may be best to step away. , This can be especially helpful if you really want to keep your friend involved in your life but are having a hard time dealing with his negativity.
A therapist can help you learn healthy ways to cope, and help you learn ways to frame your thinking in healthy, helpful ways so you can stay positive.
If your friend's negativity is severe, such as talking about suicide or self-harm, talk to a trusted parent, teacher, counselor, or other authority figure.
Your friend needs more help than you can offer. -
Step 3: Manifest your own positivity.
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Step 4: Avoid matching his negativity.
-
Step 5: Be compassionate.
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Step 6: Protect yourself.
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Step 7: Consider seeing a therapist.
Detailed Guide
Lecturing your friend about his negative patterns can make him feel even worse, and he may turn on you.
Criticism is difficult for everyone, but it’s especially difficult for someone with negative thoughts and emotions circulating in his head.Trying to vent to him about his own behavior may just escalate the situation and make him feel attacked.
Provide a supportive environment to the best of your abilities.
If you let your happiness depend on a negative person, it will end in disaster.
Keep your emotional distance from a negative friend.
Avoid getting sucked into his world and then needing to solve his problems in order to be happy yourself., One of the most effective methods for helping a negative friend, and helping yourself too, is to remain positive in the face of his negativity.
This will keep you happy and show your friend an alternative to the way he sees things and acts in the world.
Take a break.
Humans can "catch" emotions; in other words, the emotions of people around you are likely to rub off on you.Even if you are a very positive person, if you are around negativity too much, it may make it harder to maintain your positive outlook.
Take a break from your friend's negativity sometimes.
Another way to maintain your positivity is to stay in tune with your own emotional experience.
If you're starting to feel negativity rubbing off on you, check in with yourself and remind yourself that that isn't something you want.
For example, "I'm starting to feel angry at restaurant servers because my friend has been complaining for five minutes about ours.
I don't have a problem with our server.
This anger isn't mine." You'll be more able to sustain your own positivity if you focus on it.Use humor.
Redefining a negative experience in humorous terms can help counteract the brain's natural impulse to focus on the negativity of a situation.The next time your friend starts in on a rant, flip the situation humorously: "I'm sorry your car didn't start and you had to run for the bus.
But hey, you did say you've been wanting to get more exercise, right?" Remind yourself when your friend's negativity is irrational.
It can be easier to maintain your own positivity if you disengage from irrational negativity.
For example, if your friend is complaining that your night is ruined because you have to see a movie in 2D instead of 3D, remind yourself that this is completely irrational.
You still get to see the movie, and you can still have an enjoyable evening.
Disengage from your friend's irrational thought trap., It may be tempting to join your friend in negativity.
Research shows that people would actually rather do an unenjoyable activity with friends than an enjoyable activity alone.However, reinforcing the negativity will only make it worse.
He will think that it’s acceptable and you may even push him farther into negativity. , Research on compassion suggests that it’s a “win-win” way to treat people.There are mental and physical health benefits associated with being compassionate, such as buffering you against stress and increasing your social connectedness.
Social connectedness has its own benefits, such as increasing your immune system.
Compassion also helps others.
Acts of compassion create compassion in the other person as well.
Giving freely can cause the other person to want to give freely.
Basically, compassion is a great way to keep yourself and the people around you healthy.
For example, look for ways you can help your friend.
If his car dies, offer to give him a ride or jump start his battery.
If he complains about a family member, offer to let him vent to you.
These small gestures will produce a big effect in both of your lives. , It’s unpleasant to “break up” with a friend, but sometimes it’s the best option.
It’s good to brush negativity off and genuinely accept a friend despite the cloud hanging over his head.
However, sometimes the negativity is too much, and you may need to say goodbye.
If it comes to that, feel good about the fact that you care about yourself enough to avoid the black hole of negativity.Sometimes, friends' negativity can trigger unpleasant or traumatic memories from our own past.
For example, if you have recovered from a past substance abuse problem and your friend is constantly complaining that her family wants her to stop doing drugs, this negativity could trigger painful memories of your own past.
If your friend's negativity continues to "push your buttons" or cause painful triggering, it may be best to step away. , This can be especially helpful if you really want to keep your friend involved in your life but are having a hard time dealing with his negativity.
A therapist can help you learn healthy ways to cope, and help you learn ways to frame your thinking in healthy, helpful ways so you can stay positive.
If your friend's negativity is severe, such as talking about suicide or self-harm, talk to a trusted parent, teacher, counselor, or other authority figure.
Your friend needs more help than you can offer.
About the Author
Nathan James
A passionate writer with expertise in organization topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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