How to Tell a Guy You Like Him if You're Shy
Understand your shyness., Think about what the worst thing that could happen might be., Think positively., Spend a little time around this guy before spilling the beans on your feelings., Talk to this guy generally., Be wary of only getting to know...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Understand your shyness.
In the case of being shy to ask someone out or to tell them you like them, it is usually the fear of rejection that underlies the shyness.
And underlying that fear of rejection is your own insecurities about being good enough, about being likable.
Many people have this deep-seated fear but it is important to face it and to tell yourself that you are worth it, that you are good enough and that you are likable.
Do not turn rejection into an excuse to retreat further into yourself; everyone experiences rejection from time to time, and learning to bounce back from setbacks is an important part of building your resilience. -
Step 2: Think about what the worst thing that could happen might be.
He might laugh at you and embarrass you.
Is that likely though? And if that does happen, how does that make him look in the eyes of other people? A pretty unfeeling and uncool guy and his reputation would be sullied for such unkind behavior.
The more likely "bad" thing that might happen is that he says thanks, but no thanks, politely but with no intention of returning your feelings.
And that's just something you have to be prepared for, not be scared of, as you cannot make another person like you.
Look at this way––if he rejects you, it's an answer too, just not the one you want.
It is an answer that he's not the right guy for you at this point in time.
Practice your responses to a possible rejection so that you can remove yourself from the situation with grace.
Just as you must visualize a good outcome, it is also important to be prepared for the one you didn't want.
If you're ready to respond to either a positive or a negative response from this guy, you'll feel a lot more confident! Some responses to a negative outcome could include: "Okay, thanks for letting me down gently.
I wanted to share my feelings and I am glad I did so.
Thanks for being understanding." "Yeah, no worries, I just thought I'd share how I felt, I understand totally this is out of the blue and that you don't feel the same way.
Friends, eh?" If he is actually nasty: "I'm sorry you feel it's appropriate to insult me.
I was being nice to you and paying you a compliment." Then walk off with your dignity intact. , Okay, so now you've addressed the possible worst case scenario and how it won't end the world for you.
Presume the best from this point onward, as you need to put your best foot forward and pluck up the courage to let this guy know your feelings.
Visualize the asking and the outcome in a positive way.
Rehearse what you want to say to him, to be prepared rather than tongue-tied.
You can do this in front of the mirror if you like. , For starters, does he even know you exist? Get into his circle of friends or be near him in class, during leisure time, at social events, or wherever it is that you know him.
Catch his gaze now and then and smile.
Don't stare though! See how he responds––does he smile back, look away or just stare vacantly? Try to gauge his level of willingness to interact with you.
If he makes an effort to look back, to keep looking at you, to smile, etc., these are all great signs of possible interest.
You might find it helpful to read:
How to hint to someone that you like them. , There is no need to hang back and then suddenly tell him "I like you" without ever having talked before.
That's a recipe for disaster, for both of you––he'd be surprised and you might find out he's a bit of a dull lad to talk to after all.
Instead, get to know him a little, asking him simple questions such as what he likes, what he does on the weekend, what his hobby is and what sport he plays.
If you already know some of these things, ask him questions specific to the hobby, sport, etc.
Even when shy, you can ask open-ended questions and let him do all of the talking.
If it helps, do this as part of a group, with your friends and his friends present, so that you don't feel singled out and as if the spotlight is on you all the time.
Jokes are good.
They break the tension and help you to feel more at ease.
Throw a few in when talking generally. , They will each have different perspectives, which can be interesting and useful in a broad sense but aren't anywhere near as good as talking to the guy himself.
Also, it'll start to raise suspicions among his friends if you do nothing but grill them about this guy and it's not a good look to have them tease him about "this shy girl keeps asking about you". , If you can't be friendly around him, then the concept of liking him is a little weird.
If he know you as a friend, and appreciates spending time around you, it'll really help things.
You don't need to make enormous amounts of conversation or be by his side all the time; you do need to be friendly and upbeat when you are around him.
In time, he may well see it coming that you're about to tell him you fancy him. , Wear something comfortable that makes you feel absolutely fabulous.
Clothing can give you an armor of confidence and every boost you give yourself counts! Take a look in the mirror to reassure yourself before you go to do the deed that you look as great as you can today. , Tell yourself you're going to tell him.
Decide on a specific day and time.
For example, if there's a party on the weekend that you know he's going to be at, tell yourself, "All right.
I'm going to keep an eye out for him.
If I see him, I'm going to wander over to him and bump into him, then I'm going to tell him."
No need to have his friends eavesdropping or stirring him about it.
You certainly don't need the audience! He will also appreciate your tact and respect for his privacy. , There is no need to drag it out and make it hard on both of you.
Just stick to the script you've rehearsed already (see above) and tell him how you feel toward him.
For example, it might go something like this:
You: "Hey X, have you got a moment? There's something I'd like to say to you." X: "Yeah, sure.
What is it?" You: "Well, I've been enjoying spending time around you a lot lately.
And I just wanted to let you know that I like you––a lot.
I was hoping you might feel the same way." Or, you could say "I was hoping you might be interested in going to the movies/grab a bit to eat with me this weekend"
in place of the last sentence.
This is just one possible approach.
What you say is up to you and there is help elsewhere on LifeGuide Hub for what you might say.
For example, see:
How to tell a guy you like him. , Avoid babbling or apologizing or doing anything else distracting––keep those nerves under control.
Remind yourself that you're prepared for any eventuality, either a yes, or a no.
And that you have an answer for both! , If you followed the suggested rehearsal above, you've already decided how to behave graciously if he doesn't feel the same way.
If he does agree, it's usually pretty easy to show excitement and reply confidently with something such as "Great! I am so happy! Let's make a date for next weekend then!".
Whatever he says, keep yourself poised, confident and strong.
Even if you feel crushed, act as if you're okay and walk away with dignity.
This is a learning experience, not a reason to feel bad about yourself. -
Step 3: Think positively.
-
Step 4: Spend a little time around this guy before spilling the beans on your feelings.
-
Step 5: Talk to this guy generally.
-
Step 6: Be wary of only getting to know this guy through his friends.
-
Step 7: Be his friend.
-
Step 8: Dress for the occasion.
-
Step 9: Psych yourself up.
-
Step 10: Choose a moment when is by himself.
-
Step 11: Get to the point.
-
Step 12: Wait for his response.
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Step 13: Respond as required.
Detailed Guide
In the case of being shy to ask someone out or to tell them you like them, it is usually the fear of rejection that underlies the shyness.
And underlying that fear of rejection is your own insecurities about being good enough, about being likable.
Many people have this deep-seated fear but it is important to face it and to tell yourself that you are worth it, that you are good enough and that you are likable.
Do not turn rejection into an excuse to retreat further into yourself; everyone experiences rejection from time to time, and learning to bounce back from setbacks is an important part of building your resilience.
He might laugh at you and embarrass you.
Is that likely though? And if that does happen, how does that make him look in the eyes of other people? A pretty unfeeling and uncool guy and his reputation would be sullied for such unkind behavior.
The more likely "bad" thing that might happen is that he says thanks, but no thanks, politely but with no intention of returning your feelings.
And that's just something you have to be prepared for, not be scared of, as you cannot make another person like you.
Look at this way––if he rejects you, it's an answer too, just not the one you want.
It is an answer that he's not the right guy for you at this point in time.
Practice your responses to a possible rejection so that you can remove yourself from the situation with grace.
Just as you must visualize a good outcome, it is also important to be prepared for the one you didn't want.
If you're ready to respond to either a positive or a negative response from this guy, you'll feel a lot more confident! Some responses to a negative outcome could include: "Okay, thanks for letting me down gently.
I wanted to share my feelings and I am glad I did so.
Thanks for being understanding." "Yeah, no worries, I just thought I'd share how I felt, I understand totally this is out of the blue and that you don't feel the same way.
Friends, eh?" If he is actually nasty: "I'm sorry you feel it's appropriate to insult me.
I was being nice to you and paying you a compliment." Then walk off with your dignity intact. , Okay, so now you've addressed the possible worst case scenario and how it won't end the world for you.
Presume the best from this point onward, as you need to put your best foot forward and pluck up the courage to let this guy know your feelings.
Visualize the asking and the outcome in a positive way.
Rehearse what you want to say to him, to be prepared rather than tongue-tied.
You can do this in front of the mirror if you like. , For starters, does he even know you exist? Get into his circle of friends or be near him in class, during leisure time, at social events, or wherever it is that you know him.
Catch his gaze now and then and smile.
Don't stare though! See how he responds––does he smile back, look away or just stare vacantly? Try to gauge his level of willingness to interact with you.
If he makes an effort to look back, to keep looking at you, to smile, etc., these are all great signs of possible interest.
You might find it helpful to read:
How to hint to someone that you like them. , There is no need to hang back and then suddenly tell him "I like you" without ever having talked before.
That's a recipe for disaster, for both of you––he'd be surprised and you might find out he's a bit of a dull lad to talk to after all.
Instead, get to know him a little, asking him simple questions such as what he likes, what he does on the weekend, what his hobby is and what sport he plays.
If you already know some of these things, ask him questions specific to the hobby, sport, etc.
Even when shy, you can ask open-ended questions and let him do all of the talking.
If it helps, do this as part of a group, with your friends and his friends present, so that you don't feel singled out and as if the spotlight is on you all the time.
Jokes are good.
They break the tension and help you to feel more at ease.
Throw a few in when talking generally. , They will each have different perspectives, which can be interesting and useful in a broad sense but aren't anywhere near as good as talking to the guy himself.
Also, it'll start to raise suspicions among his friends if you do nothing but grill them about this guy and it's not a good look to have them tease him about "this shy girl keeps asking about you". , If you can't be friendly around him, then the concept of liking him is a little weird.
If he know you as a friend, and appreciates spending time around you, it'll really help things.
You don't need to make enormous amounts of conversation or be by his side all the time; you do need to be friendly and upbeat when you are around him.
In time, he may well see it coming that you're about to tell him you fancy him. , Wear something comfortable that makes you feel absolutely fabulous.
Clothing can give you an armor of confidence and every boost you give yourself counts! Take a look in the mirror to reassure yourself before you go to do the deed that you look as great as you can today. , Tell yourself you're going to tell him.
Decide on a specific day and time.
For example, if there's a party on the weekend that you know he's going to be at, tell yourself, "All right.
I'm going to keep an eye out for him.
If I see him, I'm going to wander over to him and bump into him, then I'm going to tell him."
No need to have his friends eavesdropping or stirring him about it.
You certainly don't need the audience! He will also appreciate your tact and respect for his privacy. , There is no need to drag it out and make it hard on both of you.
Just stick to the script you've rehearsed already (see above) and tell him how you feel toward him.
For example, it might go something like this:
You: "Hey X, have you got a moment? There's something I'd like to say to you." X: "Yeah, sure.
What is it?" You: "Well, I've been enjoying spending time around you a lot lately.
And I just wanted to let you know that I like you––a lot.
I was hoping you might feel the same way." Or, you could say "I was hoping you might be interested in going to the movies/grab a bit to eat with me this weekend"
in place of the last sentence.
This is just one possible approach.
What you say is up to you and there is help elsewhere on LifeGuide Hub for what you might say.
For example, see:
How to tell a guy you like him. , Avoid babbling or apologizing or doing anything else distracting––keep those nerves under control.
Remind yourself that you're prepared for any eventuality, either a yes, or a no.
And that you have an answer for both! , If you followed the suggested rehearsal above, you've already decided how to behave graciously if he doesn't feel the same way.
If he does agree, it's usually pretty easy to show excitement and reply confidently with something such as "Great! I am so happy! Let's make a date for next weekend then!".
Whatever he says, keep yourself poised, confident and strong.
Even if you feel crushed, act as if you're okay and walk away with dignity.
This is a learning experience, not a reason to feel bad about yourself.
About the Author
Debra Howard
A passionate writer with expertise in organization topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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