How to Explain a Family Member's Suicide to a Child
Sit down with the child., Get right to the point., Don't be afraid to show your emotions, but try to keep them in check as you explain., Explain mental illness or depression simply., Make sure the child understands that nobody could have saved the...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Sit down with the child.
Start by gently telling the child that you need to talk with them about the loved one.
Your tone of voice will signal that this is something important.
If your child is confused, reassure them that they are not in trouble.
Choose a time when you can handle it—after you've had time to absorb the news and cry. -
Step 2: Get right to the point.
Beating around the bush is not only scary to children but to everyone.
Explain to your child what happened.
For example, "Uncle was very sad and nothing seemed to help him to feel better.
Everyone tried very hard to help, but no one was able to get there in time, and he killed himself.
They call it suicide when someone kills themselves." Add a religious component if your family is religious.
Tell the child that "uncle is not with us any more.
He died and went to heaven."
It's okay if you are obviously sad, or even if you cry—the child needs to know it's okay for everyone to miss the loved one, and to cry and grieve openly and honestly.
If the child asks about your emotions, explain. "I'm feeling sad because I loved your uncle very much.
I'm sad that he was hurting so badly, and I'm going to miss him a lot." This helps your child know that it's okay to feel sad and to talk about emotions.
Just don't allow yourself to get very emotional
- it's scary to kids.
They want to see adults as being in control.
You want the child to know that you are, although grieving, in control, and able to look after them. , If the child is still not understanding, tell them that "Uncle was very sick, and this was a sickness, not of the heart or lungs, but of the mind.
He got sick very fast, and there wasn't time to fix it." Answer any questions as clearly as you can. , Be sure to stress that it is nothing that the child did that caused or allowed this to happen.
It's common for suicide survivors to feel guilt, and that includes children.
Tell the child "Nobody could have prevented uncle's decision, and nobody did anything wrong." If the child asks about whether they may be at fault, ensure they know that they should not feel guilty. , A child needs to know that the person who died loved them, but that because of the illness, they were in so much pain that they couldn't express it well.
But do stress that sometimes, love is not enough to cure all ills.
No matter how much we love or are loved, mental illness is powerful and, even though many people can be helped, sometimes help does not come in time. -
Step 3: Don't be afraid to show your emotions
-
Step 4: but try to keep them in check as you explain.
-
Step 5: Explain mental illness or depression simply.
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Step 6: Make sure the child understands that nobody could have saved the loved one.
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Step 7: Be sure the child knows that the suicide victim loved them.
Detailed Guide
Start by gently telling the child that you need to talk with them about the loved one.
Your tone of voice will signal that this is something important.
If your child is confused, reassure them that they are not in trouble.
Choose a time when you can handle it—after you've had time to absorb the news and cry.
Beating around the bush is not only scary to children but to everyone.
Explain to your child what happened.
For example, "Uncle was very sad and nothing seemed to help him to feel better.
Everyone tried very hard to help, but no one was able to get there in time, and he killed himself.
They call it suicide when someone kills themselves." Add a religious component if your family is religious.
Tell the child that "uncle is not with us any more.
He died and went to heaven."
It's okay if you are obviously sad, or even if you cry—the child needs to know it's okay for everyone to miss the loved one, and to cry and grieve openly and honestly.
If the child asks about your emotions, explain. "I'm feeling sad because I loved your uncle very much.
I'm sad that he was hurting so badly, and I'm going to miss him a lot." This helps your child know that it's okay to feel sad and to talk about emotions.
Just don't allow yourself to get very emotional
- it's scary to kids.
They want to see adults as being in control.
You want the child to know that you are, although grieving, in control, and able to look after them. , If the child is still not understanding, tell them that "Uncle was very sick, and this was a sickness, not of the heart or lungs, but of the mind.
He got sick very fast, and there wasn't time to fix it." Answer any questions as clearly as you can. , Be sure to stress that it is nothing that the child did that caused or allowed this to happen.
It's common for suicide survivors to feel guilt, and that includes children.
Tell the child "Nobody could have prevented uncle's decision, and nobody did anything wrong." If the child asks about whether they may be at fault, ensure they know that they should not feel guilty. , A child needs to know that the person who died loved them, but that because of the illness, they were in so much pain that they couldn't express it well.
But do stress that sometimes, love is not enough to cure all ills.
No matter how much we love or are loved, mental illness is powerful and, even though many people can be helped, sometimes help does not come in time.
About the Author
Claire Nelson
Specializes in breaking down complex lifestyle topics into simple steps.
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