How to Be Emotionally Detached
Explore the reasons for your strong emotional reactions., Know the difference between healthy and unhealthy detachment., Accept your emotional state., Express your feelings in a safe place., Write down your feelings and thoughts., Distract...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Explore the reasons for your strong emotional reactions.
In order to better detach yourself, you should be aware of the reason for your strong reaction.
Three reasons why you may be feeling emotional are: you are being highly sensitive the situation is triggering a painful past event you are feeling a loss of control over the situation, which can provoke a lot of anger and frustration. -
Step 2: Know the difference between healthy and unhealthy detachment.
It is natural and normal to want to emotionally detach sometimes, especially if the emotion is too painful or overwhelming to fully deal with at the current time.
However, extreme emotional detachment from others is associated with psychopathy, where individuals commit crimes against others without remorse.Extreme emotional disassociation can also be the result of experiencing trauma.
If you want to detach sometimes due to intense emotions, that is perfectly healthy.
We may not always be in the place to cope with strong emotions.
However, if you find yourself isolating from others constantly or being emotionally numb (not feeling emotions), you could suffer from a larger psychological concern.
Some signs you may need therapy or treatment include: social isolation, avoidance of social activities, intense fear of rejection, recurrent depressed or anxious mood, difficulty completing work (school or occupational duties), and frequent social conflict or physical fights with others. , Paradoxically, if we accept our emotions as valid and normal, we can be better at detaching from them when we need a break.Oftentimes, we may want to push our emotions away because they do not feel good.
However, these emotions give us valuable information about our situation and our perceptions.Similar to physical pain, negative feelings (fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, stress) are like your brains way of alerting you that there is a problem.
The next time you have a painful emotion such as anger, think to yourself, “I am angry because _____.
This anger gives me good information about how I am reacting to this situation and will help me decide how I should deal with it.
It is okay to feel angry.” The anger itself is not the issue, it is what you do with the anger you feel.
You can choose to ignore it and stuff it down, but this could end up making it come back even more powerful the next time.
If you accept your emotion, and find a healthy way of coping with it, then it loses its power over you and you can healthily detach from it when you need to.
In the moment, try shifting focus, as well as deep breathing to activate the body's calming response.
The first is a cognitive process associated with decreased anxiety, and the second is a physical action one can take to initiate the body's calming response.
You can also cope by taking a nap, doing an art project, taking a walk, getting a massage, hanging out with a pet, drinking tea, listening to music, and even kissing your significant other. , Giving yourself the space to feel your emotions in a safe way is integral to being able to detach when you need to.
Set a time each day to feel your feelings.
Practice crying alone.
Crying in front of the one who is harassing you will only provoke them to taunt you more or continue with their harassment.
Breathing deeply and thinking of something other than the situation may prevent you from fully processing the situation and ultimately prevent you from crying.
However, it is not healthy to keep that sadness in.
Try your best to wait until the situation has ended and for the antagonist to leave the room before you begin to cry. , Just as it is unhealthy to keep from crying, it is also unhealthy to keep anger, confusion, and other negative emotions inside.
Putting those feelings and thoughts on paper or on the computer can help you process and deal with difficult emotions so that you can detach when you feel the need.
Write down how you feel in a secret journal or diary.
To avoid ruminating on your negative thoughts, try identifying alternative ways of thinking about or looking at the situation.
For example, if your negative thought is, "This person is such a jerk!" Perhaps you can also write down, "However, this individual may have had a difficult life and is being this way to cope with anger or sadness." A little empathy can go a long way in helping you cope with difficult people and situations. , Think about or do something else.
Do not simply ignore the feeling or situation.
If you try to stop thinking about something, you may just end up thinking about it more.
This is called the white-bear phenomenon, where subjects in a research study were told not to think about a white bear; and of course that is all they could think about.Instead of focusing on avoiding thinking about what is making you upset, try to think about something else instead.
Try distraction activities like: gardening, playing a game, watching a movie, reading a magazine, playing an instrument, painting, drawing, cooking, or talking to a friend., Go for a walk, a bike ride or any other cardiovascular activity.
Aerobic activity is proven to boost endorphins and will help you be in a better position to monitor and change your reactions to emotional predators.Exercise can also be a great distracting or grounding technique.
Consider the following physical activities: hiking, rowing, kayaking, gardening, cleaning, jumping rope, dancing, kickboxing, yoga, Pilates, Zumba, push-ups, sit-ups, sports, running, and walking. -
Step 3: Accept your emotional state.
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Step 4: Express your feelings in a safe place.
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Step 5: Write down your feelings and thoughts.
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Step 6: Distract yourself.
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Step 7: Take action physically.
Detailed Guide
In order to better detach yourself, you should be aware of the reason for your strong reaction.
Three reasons why you may be feeling emotional are: you are being highly sensitive the situation is triggering a painful past event you are feeling a loss of control over the situation, which can provoke a lot of anger and frustration.
It is natural and normal to want to emotionally detach sometimes, especially if the emotion is too painful or overwhelming to fully deal with at the current time.
However, extreme emotional detachment from others is associated with psychopathy, where individuals commit crimes against others without remorse.Extreme emotional disassociation can also be the result of experiencing trauma.
If you want to detach sometimes due to intense emotions, that is perfectly healthy.
We may not always be in the place to cope with strong emotions.
However, if you find yourself isolating from others constantly or being emotionally numb (not feeling emotions), you could suffer from a larger psychological concern.
Some signs you may need therapy or treatment include: social isolation, avoidance of social activities, intense fear of rejection, recurrent depressed or anxious mood, difficulty completing work (school or occupational duties), and frequent social conflict or physical fights with others. , Paradoxically, if we accept our emotions as valid and normal, we can be better at detaching from them when we need a break.Oftentimes, we may want to push our emotions away because they do not feel good.
However, these emotions give us valuable information about our situation and our perceptions.Similar to physical pain, negative feelings (fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, stress) are like your brains way of alerting you that there is a problem.
The next time you have a painful emotion such as anger, think to yourself, “I am angry because _____.
This anger gives me good information about how I am reacting to this situation and will help me decide how I should deal with it.
It is okay to feel angry.” The anger itself is not the issue, it is what you do with the anger you feel.
You can choose to ignore it and stuff it down, but this could end up making it come back even more powerful the next time.
If you accept your emotion, and find a healthy way of coping with it, then it loses its power over you and you can healthily detach from it when you need to.
In the moment, try shifting focus, as well as deep breathing to activate the body's calming response.
The first is a cognitive process associated with decreased anxiety, and the second is a physical action one can take to initiate the body's calming response.
You can also cope by taking a nap, doing an art project, taking a walk, getting a massage, hanging out with a pet, drinking tea, listening to music, and even kissing your significant other. , Giving yourself the space to feel your emotions in a safe way is integral to being able to detach when you need to.
Set a time each day to feel your feelings.
Practice crying alone.
Crying in front of the one who is harassing you will only provoke them to taunt you more or continue with their harassment.
Breathing deeply and thinking of something other than the situation may prevent you from fully processing the situation and ultimately prevent you from crying.
However, it is not healthy to keep that sadness in.
Try your best to wait until the situation has ended and for the antagonist to leave the room before you begin to cry. , Just as it is unhealthy to keep from crying, it is also unhealthy to keep anger, confusion, and other negative emotions inside.
Putting those feelings and thoughts on paper or on the computer can help you process and deal with difficult emotions so that you can detach when you feel the need.
Write down how you feel in a secret journal or diary.
To avoid ruminating on your negative thoughts, try identifying alternative ways of thinking about or looking at the situation.
For example, if your negative thought is, "This person is such a jerk!" Perhaps you can also write down, "However, this individual may have had a difficult life and is being this way to cope with anger or sadness." A little empathy can go a long way in helping you cope with difficult people and situations. , Think about or do something else.
Do not simply ignore the feeling or situation.
If you try to stop thinking about something, you may just end up thinking about it more.
This is called the white-bear phenomenon, where subjects in a research study were told not to think about a white bear; and of course that is all they could think about.Instead of focusing on avoiding thinking about what is making you upset, try to think about something else instead.
Try distraction activities like: gardening, playing a game, watching a movie, reading a magazine, playing an instrument, painting, drawing, cooking, or talking to a friend., Go for a walk, a bike ride or any other cardiovascular activity.
Aerobic activity is proven to boost endorphins and will help you be in a better position to monitor and change your reactions to emotional predators.Exercise can also be a great distracting or grounding technique.
Consider the following physical activities: hiking, rowing, kayaking, gardening, cleaning, jumping rope, dancing, kickboxing, yoga, Pilates, Zumba, push-ups, sit-ups, sports, running, and walking.
About the Author
Richard Gibson
Writer and educator with a focus on practical home improvement knowledge.
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