How to Deal With Life
Accept yourself., Count your blessings., Turn negative self-talk into encouragement., Drop past resentments.Regrets and resentments block us from being able to handle the present with ease., Keep positive influences close., Take life a little less...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Accept yourself.
Acceptance is a funny thing.
The more we truly accept ourselves and our current conditions, the more capable we seem to be of changing for the better.Maybe you're a little bit stubborn, and you know that quality can make life difficult to deal with.
Rather than fighting this, acknowledge it and see whether or not you can harness it for use in situations where it is helpful.
For example, consider how being stubborn is a benefit.
Perhaps it means you are a strong advocate for the rights of others.
Perhaps it means you don't give in easily to peer pressure.
These are good things about being stubborn.
Consider in what ways your traits are unhelpful.
For example, stubbornness can cause you to pursue actions that hurt you or someone else because you won't listen to others.
Stubbornness can also mean you refuse to ask for or accept help when you need it, which can end up hurting you in the long run.
Identify the areas in which you can modify your traits so that they benefit, rather than harm you.
Another part of acceptance is having a non-judgmental attitude toward your own thoughts and feelings.
Thoughts and feelings simply occur in your life, and are not within your control.
What you can control is how you respond to them.For example, if you know you're stubborn and you end up lost on a road-trip, you might experience the thought, "I don't want to ask for help." Acknowledge that your stubbornness is behind this thought, and then decide what action you want to take. -
Step 2: Count your blessings.
A little bit of gratitude, well-placed in daily life, can go a very long way.
It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking about what's missing or what we still stand to gain in the future.
Counting your blessings is good for helping you see what is here now.
When we live regretting what we don't have or waiting for more in the future, we deny our needs, joys, and feelings in the present.
Looking at and appreciating where you are and what you have will also help you make realistic plans using the skills and resources that are at your disposal.
Our blessings are not just things outside of ourselves or people we were lucky enough to cross paths with.
Blessings are also the achievements we have accomplished.
Don't be afraid to look back fondly on your graduation day or the big promotion you received; if you don't carry that spirit forward, who will? Try keeping a gratitude journal.
Once or twice per week, write down people, experiences, and things that you're grateful for.
You could try exploring what your life would be like without them.Studies have shown that keeping a gratitude journal on a regular basis will help you feel happier, more optimistic, and even get better sleep.If you're considering people you're grateful for, reaching out to them to share your gratitude in a letter or email can also be a real help.
Who knows? You may even inspire gratitude in someone else.
Studies have shown that expressing your gratitude for another person can actually make you happier., Do you walk through life telling yourself things like, "This is impossible" or "I can't do this"? Instead of judging and berating yourself for what you think you can't do, remind yourself to look carefully at situations.
Affirming and amplifying your strengths will help you find more and more applications for your skills, opening things up to your influence.Test the evidence.
For example, say you are assigned an exam to take home and, looking at it, you barely understand the question.
A voice might pop up that tells you that there's no way you can handle it because you're too dumb to work off the prompt.
What's your evidence for that assumption? Have you done poorly in the course so far? Have you performed badly on other tests? Are you jumping to conclusions? Check for an alternate reality.
This doesn't mean you check to see if you're plugged in to the Matrix.
It means you look for alternate ways of interpreting the situation.
What else could it mean? For example, how is the exam written? Is it possible the question is poorly worded? Did you miss a few days of class that might have clarified the question? These examples are more likely than you being "dumb." Get some perspective.
Test to see whether things really are the way you see them.
Is it as bad as you think? What's the worst that could really happen? How likely is that, and how would you be able to handle it? For example, say you barely understand this exam question, and you turn in an exam that fails.
Does that mean you fail the course? (Probably not.) If so, what would you be able to do? Go for the goal.
Think about what your goal is in the situation, and whether this thought is helpful.
In this case, it definitely isn't.
Thinking you're too dumb to answer the question could keep you from even trying.
Think about ways you could solve your problem and reach for your goal instead.
Could you talk to the teacher about your confusion? Could you study with friends? Could you ask to re-take the exam if you do poorly, or make up your grade with extra credit? Search for positive statements to counter the negative ones.
Put some thought into thinking about something you truly do well.
If you can't think of anything, ask a trusted friend, spouse, or family member to help.
Instead of just thinking about the opposite of the negative thought, try thinking about times when you overcame a challenging situation similar to this one.
Have you ever felt confused by an exam before? Probably yes.
Did you make it through that challenge? Also yes.
You can handle this, too. , Think about it; if you are experiencing the emotional turmoil of something that happened years ago, all of your resources for coping are working overtime.
Think about the people and situations from the past that still produce strong bodily reactions when you bring them to mind.
If this was a disheartening situation, try to re-frame it as a learning experience.
No matter how painful it was, cultivate acceptance by telling yourself that without that experience, you would not be in a position to learn how to get over major upsets (like you are now).
Remind yourself that you forgive other people for yourself, not for them.
You forgive so that you don't have to carry the burden of anger and resentment through your life.
Forgiveness doesn't mean you make excuses for behavior that hurt you; it just means you choose not to dwell on it.Acknowledge the harm that was done to cause the resentment.
You were hurt, and it's okay to acknowledge that.
Then, work to transform your response to that harm.
Instead of holding on to the pain, acknowledge that it was part of your experience, but you don't have to continue to take it with you.Make amends with people who represent a strong lack of resolution in your life.
This might be a parent you haven't seen in years or a friend who you never saw after a fight.
You don't have to initiate a long confrontation about whatever happened, but it is important to let this person know that you have recognized unresolved issues related to them, and that you intend to move forward in your life with respect for them and gratitude for the lessons of your shared experience.
Email or other forms of written messages are good mediums., Positive influences are people who you feel you can be yourself around, above all.
They help you feel comfortable in your skin by making you feel that life always has more to offer, even if things seem dreary and unmanageable.
Make sure you surround yourself with others who have similar values when it comes to dealing with life.
Studies show that people who feel socially and emotionally supported are happier and healthier than people who don't.Humans also are prone to "emotional contagion," where the emotions and moods of one person "rub off" on those around them.Even one highly negative person can make a whole group of people feel more upset and negative themselves.
Conversely, positive people can make a positive difference in the feelings of those around them.
If you have a colleague or friend who consistently gives you the feeling that, say, this work assignment isn't really that difficult, or that the time you got lost and showed up late was kind of a fun adventure, stick by 'em! These are the people who help you re-charge--they help you find your inner stores of energy rather than depleting them with droll conversation. , We want to dedicate ourselves to the serious problems in our lives that need handling, so we overgeneralize this sense of concern and treat many situations as if they are big problems or liabilities.
This is the sort of thinking that makes us criticize others, work too hard to correct minute errors and issues we see around us, and fail to "take the bait" when others make jokes.
Try to see the silly side of everything that happens.When you find yourself getting riled up about, for example, a portion of burnt cheese on the pizza you ordered, imagine that you are in a cartoon and your ears have just started fuming.
See that you're putting on a performance that you have the opportunity to laugh at, too. -
Step 3: Turn negative self-talk into encouragement.
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Step 4: Drop past resentments.Regrets and resentments block us from being able to handle the present with ease.
-
Step 5: Keep positive influences close.
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Step 6: Take life a little less seriously.Much of the time that life feels difficult to deal with
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Step 7: it is because we are putting ourselves to the task of dealing.
Detailed Guide
Acceptance is a funny thing.
The more we truly accept ourselves and our current conditions, the more capable we seem to be of changing for the better.Maybe you're a little bit stubborn, and you know that quality can make life difficult to deal with.
Rather than fighting this, acknowledge it and see whether or not you can harness it for use in situations where it is helpful.
For example, consider how being stubborn is a benefit.
Perhaps it means you are a strong advocate for the rights of others.
Perhaps it means you don't give in easily to peer pressure.
These are good things about being stubborn.
Consider in what ways your traits are unhelpful.
For example, stubbornness can cause you to pursue actions that hurt you or someone else because you won't listen to others.
Stubbornness can also mean you refuse to ask for or accept help when you need it, which can end up hurting you in the long run.
Identify the areas in which you can modify your traits so that they benefit, rather than harm you.
Another part of acceptance is having a non-judgmental attitude toward your own thoughts and feelings.
Thoughts and feelings simply occur in your life, and are not within your control.
What you can control is how you respond to them.For example, if you know you're stubborn and you end up lost on a road-trip, you might experience the thought, "I don't want to ask for help." Acknowledge that your stubbornness is behind this thought, and then decide what action you want to take.
A little bit of gratitude, well-placed in daily life, can go a very long way.
It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking about what's missing or what we still stand to gain in the future.
Counting your blessings is good for helping you see what is here now.
When we live regretting what we don't have or waiting for more in the future, we deny our needs, joys, and feelings in the present.
Looking at and appreciating where you are and what you have will also help you make realistic plans using the skills and resources that are at your disposal.
Our blessings are not just things outside of ourselves or people we were lucky enough to cross paths with.
Blessings are also the achievements we have accomplished.
Don't be afraid to look back fondly on your graduation day or the big promotion you received; if you don't carry that spirit forward, who will? Try keeping a gratitude journal.
Once or twice per week, write down people, experiences, and things that you're grateful for.
You could try exploring what your life would be like without them.Studies have shown that keeping a gratitude journal on a regular basis will help you feel happier, more optimistic, and even get better sleep.If you're considering people you're grateful for, reaching out to them to share your gratitude in a letter or email can also be a real help.
Who knows? You may even inspire gratitude in someone else.
Studies have shown that expressing your gratitude for another person can actually make you happier., Do you walk through life telling yourself things like, "This is impossible" or "I can't do this"? Instead of judging and berating yourself for what you think you can't do, remind yourself to look carefully at situations.
Affirming and amplifying your strengths will help you find more and more applications for your skills, opening things up to your influence.Test the evidence.
For example, say you are assigned an exam to take home and, looking at it, you barely understand the question.
A voice might pop up that tells you that there's no way you can handle it because you're too dumb to work off the prompt.
What's your evidence for that assumption? Have you done poorly in the course so far? Have you performed badly on other tests? Are you jumping to conclusions? Check for an alternate reality.
This doesn't mean you check to see if you're plugged in to the Matrix.
It means you look for alternate ways of interpreting the situation.
What else could it mean? For example, how is the exam written? Is it possible the question is poorly worded? Did you miss a few days of class that might have clarified the question? These examples are more likely than you being "dumb." Get some perspective.
Test to see whether things really are the way you see them.
Is it as bad as you think? What's the worst that could really happen? How likely is that, and how would you be able to handle it? For example, say you barely understand this exam question, and you turn in an exam that fails.
Does that mean you fail the course? (Probably not.) If so, what would you be able to do? Go for the goal.
Think about what your goal is in the situation, and whether this thought is helpful.
In this case, it definitely isn't.
Thinking you're too dumb to answer the question could keep you from even trying.
Think about ways you could solve your problem and reach for your goal instead.
Could you talk to the teacher about your confusion? Could you study with friends? Could you ask to re-take the exam if you do poorly, or make up your grade with extra credit? Search for positive statements to counter the negative ones.
Put some thought into thinking about something you truly do well.
If you can't think of anything, ask a trusted friend, spouse, or family member to help.
Instead of just thinking about the opposite of the negative thought, try thinking about times when you overcame a challenging situation similar to this one.
Have you ever felt confused by an exam before? Probably yes.
Did you make it through that challenge? Also yes.
You can handle this, too. , Think about it; if you are experiencing the emotional turmoil of something that happened years ago, all of your resources for coping are working overtime.
Think about the people and situations from the past that still produce strong bodily reactions when you bring them to mind.
If this was a disheartening situation, try to re-frame it as a learning experience.
No matter how painful it was, cultivate acceptance by telling yourself that without that experience, you would not be in a position to learn how to get over major upsets (like you are now).
Remind yourself that you forgive other people for yourself, not for them.
You forgive so that you don't have to carry the burden of anger and resentment through your life.
Forgiveness doesn't mean you make excuses for behavior that hurt you; it just means you choose not to dwell on it.Acknowledge the harm that was done to cause the resentment.
You were hurt, and it's okay to acknowledge that.
Then, work to transform your response to that harm.
Instead of holding on to the pain, acknowledge that it was part of your experience, but you don't have to continue to take it with you.Make amends with people who represent a strong lack of resolution in your life.
This might be a parent you haven't seen in years or a friend who you never saw after a fight.
You don't have to initiate a long confrontation about whatever happened, but it is important to let this person know that you have recognized unresolved issues related to them, and that you intend to move forward in your life with respect for them and gratitude for the lessons of your shared experience.
Email or other forms of written messages are good mediums., Positive influences are people who you feel you can be yourself around, above all.
They help you feel comfortable in your skin by making you feel that life always has more to offer, even if things seem dreary and unmanageable.
Make sure you surround yourself with others who have similar values when it comes to dealing with life.
Studies show that people who feel socially and emotionally supported are happier and healthier than people who don't.Humans also are prone to "emotional contagion," where the emotions and moods of one person "rub off" on those around them.Even one highly negative person can make a whole group of people feel more upset and negative themselves.
Conversely, positive people can make a positive difference in the feelings of those around them.
If you have a colleague or friend who consistently gives you the feeling that, say, this work assignment isn't really that difficult, or that the time you got lost and showed up late was kind of a fun adventure, stick by 'em! These are the people who help you re-charge--they help you find your inner stores of energy rather than depleting them with droll conversation. , We want to dedicate ourselves to the serious problems in our lives that need handling, so we overgeneralize this sense of concern and treat many situations as if they are big problems or liabilities.
This is the sort of thinking that makes us criticize others, work too hard to correct minute errors and issues we see around us, and fail to "take the bait" when others make jokes.
Try to see the silly side of everything that happens.When you find yourself getting riled up about, for example, a portion of burnt cheese on the pizza you ordered, imagine that you are in a cartoon and your ears have just started fuming.
See that you're putting on a performance that you have the opportunity to laugh at, too.
About the Author
Melissa Armstrong
A passionate writer with expertise in practical skills topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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