How to Discreetly Find out if Someone You Know Is Gay

Don't ask everyone you know if that person is gay., Don't scrutinize the person's style., Don't scrutinize the way the person talks., Don't obsess over the person's taste in music or television.

4 Steps 3 min read Medium

Step-by-Step Guide

  1. Step 1: Don't ask everyone you know if that person is gay.

    This is pretty much the worst thing you can do if you want to discreetly find out if a person is gay.

    If someone is gay and not out, there is a good reason for it, and the last thing that person would want is for you to run around asking everyone in sight if they think that they're gay.

    If the person isn't out, then those people probably won't know anyway.

    And if the person did come out to them, they wouldn't tell you.

    So if you ask everybody if that person's gay, all you're doing is making the person's life more complicated
    - no matter if they're gay or not.

    If the person is gay, they clearly don't want everyone to suspect this yet.

    And if they're not gay, then you're basically just spreading gay rumors for no good reason.

    Plus, if that person finds out you're going around asking everyone, then they'll never open up to you.
  2. Step 2: Don't scrutinize the person's style.

    One silly myth about how to find out whether or not someone you know is gay is to see how that person dresses.

    If that person wears tight clothes, loud colors, and bright patterns, then that person is obviously gay, right? Wrong.

    Any person can wear tight clothes or bright colors
    -- and it has nothing to do with being gay.

    Besides, there are plenty of metrosexual males or sporty females out there.

    How people dress does not indicate their sexual orientation.

    So don't waste your time trying to analyze what it means if your female friend changes the way she dresses, or if your male friend is suddenly wearing tighter pants. , This is another silly myth to avoid.

    Don't spend your time looking to see how the person drags their words, lowers their voice, or imitates certain expressions/intonations when they talk.

    You can spend years analyzing the way a person speaks and it won't lead you anywhere, so don't waste your time. , You can speculate that your male friend is gay because he loves Madonna and GLEE all you want, but most likely, you're just wasting your time.

    LGBT people are everywhere, and lots of times, they don't have stereotypical tastes.

    In fact, if someone wasn't out, they would probably try to fit in and not mention any musical tastes or TV shows that would lead people to suspect that they're not straight.

    Thinking that there's a correlation between musical taste and sexual orientation is just silly.

    Don't waste your time contemplating this.
  3. Step 3: Don't scrutinize the way the person talks.

  4. Step 4: Don't obsess over the person's taste in music or television.

Detailed Guide

This is pretty much the worst thing you can do if you want to discreetly find out if a person is gay.

If someone is gay and not out, there is a good reason for it, and the last thing that person would want is for you to run around asking everyone in sight if they think that they're gay.

If the person isn't out, then those people probably won't know anyway.

And if the person did come out to them, they wouldn't tell you.

So if you ask everybody if that person's gay, all you're doing is making the person's life more complicated
- no matter if they're gay or not.

If the person is gay, they clearly don't want everyone to suspect this yet.

And if they're not gay, then you're basically just spreading gay rumors for no good reason.

Plus, if that person finds out you're going around asking everyone, then they'll never open up to you.

One silly myth about how to find out whether or not someone you know is gay is to see how that person dresses.

If that person wears tight clothes, loud colors, and bright patterns, then that person is obviously gay, right? Wrong.

Any person can wear tight clothes or bright colors
-- and it has nothing to do with being gay.

Besides, there are plenty of metrosexual males or sporty females out there.

How people dress does not indicate their sexual orientation.

So don't waste your time trying to analyze what it means if your female friend changes the way she dresses, or if your male friend is suddenly wearing tighter pants. , This is another silly myth to avoid.

Don't spend your time looking to see how the person drags their words, lowers their voice, or imitates certain expressions/intonations when they talk.

You can spend years analyzing the way a person speaks and it won't lead you anywhere, so don't waste your time. , You can speculate that your male friend is gay because he loves Madonna and GLEE all you want, but most likely, you're just wasting your time.

LGBT people are everywhere, and lots of times, they don't have stereotypical tastes.

In fact, if someone wasn't out, they would probably try to fit in and not mention any musical tastes or TV shows that would lead people to suspect that they're not straight.

Thinking that there's a correlation between musical taste and sexual orientation is just silly.

Don't waste your time contemplating this.

About the Author

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Gary Shaw

Enthusiastic about teaching home improvement techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.

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