How to Relate to Someone
Find common interests., Listen effectively., Develop your empathy skills., Be genuine., Be open to differences., Give it time.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Find common interests.
Look for similarities in personality, experiences, or values.
Find activities or interests you both enjoy.
Take time to focus on those and find out why the person likes what she likes.
If you just met someone and want to relate to her, stick to small talk to find common interests.
For example, you could talk about the sports teams in your area that have been winning or about any new movies that came out.Ask open-ended questions to learn more about her interests and experiences.For example, you might ask “What do you do in your spare time?” or “How did you decide on that career?” -
Step 2: Listen effectively.
Take time to hear and understand both the words and emotional content of what the other person is saying.
If you can listen well, you’ll be able to connect to the other person better.Focus your attention on the other person.
Avoid distractions like checking your phone or preparing what you’re going to say once he is done talking.Avoid judging or criticizing.Summarize what he has said to you to show your understanding.
You can say, “It sounds like you’re feeling…” or “I’m hearing that you’re feeling... is that right?”, Empathy means being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes and see her perspective.
If you work on trying to understand where the other person is coming from, you will better be able to relate to her.
Understanding that your experience of life is not everyone else's, and realizing that everyone is just doing their best with the knowledge they have, will increase your empathy and allow you to better relate to others, even those who are very different from you.Build empathy by listening to the other person and validating her perspective.
If possible, you can get know her situation better by spending time with her in her environment — such as with her family, in her home, going to events that are important to her, learning her history, and so on.
Maybe you have an easy time expressing your emotions and the other person is very closed off, for example.
It might be hard for you to understand why she can't take emotional risks, until you get to know her better and realize that her family never says "I love you" or talks about their feelings; whereas in your family, open communication was encouraged. , Show true interest in learning more about the other person.
If you’re fake or not really interested in relating to him, he will be able to pick up on it.
Don't force the conversation.Instead, try to:
Ask him questions about himself, but be mindful of getting too personal too soon.
Encourage him to relate and connect by also sharing things about yourself.
Make plans with him or exchange contact information.
Schedule time with him to get to know him better. , Accept that you don't have to like or agree with everyone you meet.
Some differences of opinion can actually make life more interesting, or open your eyes to different ways of thinking.
Take time to learn the other person's perspective.If someone really irritates you or is different from you and you're having difficulty relating to her, determine what really bothers you about her.Focus on her positive attributes or what she contributes.Avoid trying to change her., Part of relating is feeling a connection, which usually comes from a certain level of intimacy and trust.
This does not happen overnight.
Give your relationship with the other person time to grow and progress — don't try to force a level of intimacy when you haven't reached that point.
Remember that some people are an open book, while others will need more time to reveal themselves to you.
If the other person says he is not comfortable with sharing something, don't push it.
Say something like, "Okay, no problem.
Just know I'm here if you ever want to talk about it." Show the person over time that you are trustworthy by always following through with your promises, keeping his private business private, admitting when you are wrong, and showing empathy. -
Step 3: Develop your empathy skills.
-
Step 4: Be genuine.
-
Step 5: Be open to differences.
-
Step 6: Give it time.
Detailed Guide
Look for similarities in personality, experiences, or values.
Find activities or interests you both enjoy.
Take time to focus on those and find out why the person likes what she likes.
If you just met someone and want to relate to her, stick to small talk to find common interests.
For example, you could talk about the sports teams in your area that have been winning or about any new movies that came out.Ask open-ended questions to learn more about her interests and experiences.For example, you might ask “What do you do in your spare time?” or “How did you decide on that career?”
Take time to hear and understand both the words and emotional content of what the other person is saying.
If you can listen well, you’ll be able to connect to the other person better.Focus your attention on the other person.
Avoid distractions like checking your phone or preparing what you’re going to say once he is done talking.Avoid judging or criticizing.Summarize what he has said to you to show your understanding.
You can say, “It sounds like you’re feeling…” or “I’m hearing that you’re feeling... is that right?”, Empathy means being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes and see her perspective.
If you work on trying to understand where the other person is coming from, you will better be able to relate to her.
Understanding that your experience of life is not everyone else's, and realizing that everyone is just doing their best with the knowledge they have, will increase your empathy and allow you to better relate to others, even those who are very different from you.Build empathy by listening to the other person and validating her perspective.
If possible, you can get know her situation better by spending time with her in her environment — such as with her family, in her home, going to events that are important to her, learning her history, and so on.
Maybe you have an easy time expressing your emotions and the other person is very closed off, for example.
It might be hard for you to understand why she can't take emotional risks, until you get to know her better and realize that her family never says "I love you" or talks about their feelings; whereas in your family, open communication was encouraged. , Show true interest in learning more about the other person.
If you’re fake or not really interested in relating to him, he will be able to pick up on it.
Don't force the conversation.Instead, try to:
Ask him questions about himself, but be mindful of getting too personal too soon.
Encourage him to relate and connect by also sharing things about yourself.
Make plans with him or exchange contact information.
Schedule time with him to get to know him better. , Accept that you don't have to like or agree with everyone you meet.
Some differences of opinion can actually make life more interesting, or open your eyes to different ways of thinking.
Take time to learn the other person's perspective.If someone really irritates you or is different from you and you're having difficulty relating to her, determine what really bothers you about her.Focus on her positive attributes or what she contributes.Avoid trying to change her., Part of relating is feeling a connection, which usually comes from a certain level of intimacy and trust.
This does not happen overnight.
Give your relationship with the other person time to grow and progress — don't try to force a level of intimacy when you haven't reached that point.
Remember that some people are an open book, while others will need more time to reveal themselves to you.
If the other person says he is not comfortable with sharing something, don't push it.
Say something like, "Okay, no problem.
Just know I'm here if you ever want to talk about it." Show the person over time that you are trustworthy by always following through with your promises, keeping his private business private, admitting when you are wrong, and showing empathy.
About the Author
Pamela Harvey
Specializes in breaking down complex practical skills topics into simple steps.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: