How to Get Closer to Your Partner After Having Kids
Be a good listener., Communicate your needs., Do the little things., Maintain boundaries., Attend couples counseling.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Be a good listener.
You and your partner may communicate differently and have different needs after having kids.
Be sure to listen to your partner and try to understand their needs.
If you’re unclear as to what your partner wants, just ask.
Don't try to guess or read their mind.
A simple, “How can I help?” or, “What can I do to make things better?” can take the guesswork out of knowing how to respond.More than ever before, now is the perfect time to improve your listening skills.
Reflect and restate things your partner says.
For example, say, “Let me make sure I understand what you’re saying” or, “It sounds like you feel really overwhelmed.”Paraphrasing will only help to strengthen communication.
It allows you to better understand what the other persons concerns are (they will correct you if you did not repeat back correctly what they need).
It also allows the other person to feel important and that you really care and are interested and focused in what they have to say. -
Step 2: Communicate your needs.
You may want to give your partner the silent treatment or you might feel uncomfortable bringing up difficult topics.
Remember that good communication can help both of you work together better.
Kids bring in new needs to your family and you may want you and your partner to work together in a certain way.
Be clear in your wants and needs by stating them to your partner.If you’d like something from your partner, be honest in what you want.
Say, “I’d really like a hug” or, “I need to talk without getting any advice.” If you differ in beliefs about how to raise your child, talk about important issues such as discipline and attitudes.
Take turns discussing each of your positions and find a healthy compromise that both of you can live with., While it may be unrealistic to sweep your partner off on a romantic getaway, make small gestures to show them that you care.
Brew the coffee in the morning or surprise your partner with dinner after a long day.
If you know how much a clean house means to your partner, take extra care to tidy up and keep things nice.Show your partner that you care and love them by your words, gestures, and behavior. , Do you have overly-involved in-laws or family members? You may begin to resent your partner if you have problems with their family and vice versa.
The key to growing closer instead of further away is by discussing boundaries.
You have the right to say no, even if the family is generous with gifts and babysitting.
Talk to your partner about setting boundaries and keep in mind that boundaries help you to maintain a good relationship together.Be firm when setting boundaries, yet gentle.
For example, say, “Our children love having you in their lives and really look forward to seeing you.
Right now, however, we need some space for ourselves.” , You might think that couples counseling is only for those who have had a particularly rocky transition into parenthood, or couples who are on the verge of breaking up, but it can actually be extremely beneficial for all couples.
A therapist is there to act as a mediator in any situation — there don't have to be major issues or dysfunctional behavior for a couple to benefit from therapy.
Sometimes starting therapy before any anger, hurt, resentment, or other "dysfunction" begins can help prevent serious problems down the road.
A therapist can help modify dysfunctional behavior or help you to break harmful habits you both contribute to.
You might need some help communicating more effectively or approaching issues you tend to avoid. -
Step 3: Do the little things.
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Step 4: Maintain boundaries.
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Step 5: Attend couples counseling.
Detailed Guide
You and your partner may communicate differently and have different needs after having kids.
Be sure to listen to your partner and try to understand their needs.
If you’re unclear as to what your partner wants, just ask.
Don't try to guess or read their mind.
A simple, “How can I help?” or, “What can I do to make things better?” can take the guesswork out of knowing how to respond.More than ever before, now is the perfect time to improve your listening skills.
Reflect and restate things your partner says.
For example, say, “Let me make sure I understand what you’re saying” or, “It sounds like you feel really overwhelmed.”Paraphrasing will only help to strengthen communication.
It allows you to better understand what the other persons concerns are (they will correct you if you did not repeat back correctly what they need).
It also allows the other person to feel important and that you really care and are interested and focused in what they have to say.
You may want to give your partner the silent treatment or you might feel uncomfortable bringing up difficult topics.
Remember that good communication can help both of you work together better.
Kids bring in new needs to your family and you may want you and your partner to work together in a certain way.
Be clear in your wants and needs by stating them to your partner.If you’d like something from your partner, be honest in what you want.
Say, “I’d really like a hug” or, “I need to talk without getting any advice.” If you differ in beliefs about how to raise your child, talk about important issues such as discipline and attitudes.
Take turns discussing each of your positions and find a healthy compromise that both of you can live with., While it may be unrealistic to sweep your partner off on a romantic getaway, make small gestures to show them that you care.
Brew the coffee in the morning or surprise your partner with dinner after a long day.
If you know how much a clean house means to your partner, take extra care to tidy up and keep things nice.Show your partner that you care and love them by your words, gestures, and behavior. , Do you have overly-involved in-laws or family members? You may begin to resent your partner if you have problems with their family and vice versa.
The key to growing closer instead of further away is by discussing boundaries.
You have the right to say no, even if the family is generous with gifts and babysitting.
Talk to your partner about setting boundaries and keep in mind that boundaries help you to maintain a good relationship together.Be firm when setting boundaries, yet gentle.
For example, say, “Our children love having you in their lives and really look forward to seeing you.
Right now, however, we need some space for ourselves.” , You might think that couples counseling is only for those who have had a particularly rocky transition into parenthood, or couples who are on the verge of breaking up, but it can actually be extremely beneficial for all couples.
A therapist is there to act as a mediator in any situation — there don't have to be major issues or dysfunctional behavior for a couple to benefit from therapy.
Sometimes starting therapy before any anger, hurt, resentment, or other "dysfunction" begins can help prevent serious problems down the road.
A therapist can help modify dysfunctional behavior or help you to break harmful habits you both contribute to.
You might need some help communicating more effectively or approaching issues you tend to avoid.
About the Author
Kathleen Alvarez
Specializes in breaking down complex cooking topics into simple steps.
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