How to Get over Your First Love (LGBT)
Allow yourself to let the feelings come at appropriate times., Talk to a friend or other loved one., Hold onto yourself., Don't allow yourself to wallow., Dig deep., Don't make it about your orientation., Let go of bad memories, keep good ones...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Allow yourself to let the feelings come at appropriate times.
Don't try to pretend it didn't happen, or that it didn't hurt.
Allow yourself to feel all the hurt and pain, and if there's anger, that, too.
The only problem with doing this is that you have these feelings all the time
- getting emotional at work or school is not a good thing.
Suppress the emotions as best you can to get through your days.
After work or school, allow yourself to feel the pain, cry it out, get some help from your friends and loved ones. -
Step 2: Talk to a friend or other loved one.
The first step in getting over your first love is talking to someone about it.
Write in a journal or diary.
Get it off your chest.
Express those emotions in words, out loud to someone you trust, and in writing.
Sometimes writing is a very useful and personal way to express emotions, because you can be even freer when writing than when talking to another person.
In any case, getting some support from a friend or relative can really help to relieve you of your burden, allow someone to comfort you, even if you can't be totally consoled.
Be careful about expressing your feelings to your current romantic partner, if you have one.
Your partner may become worried that they're a rebound relationship, or that if your first love comes back, you'll leave your partner for your first love. , You may feel as if you don't know who you are without your love
- you might feel like, "Without her/him, I'm nobody." That's not true.
You were yourself before this relationship.
You are yourself now.
You have friends that were your friends before.
You have a family.
Remember who you are.
You are the eldest/middle/youngest child of your parents.
You have the love and respect of your family and friends
- with or without your love.
Hold onto those you love, and who love you. , Although you want to feel and express those feelings, don't just wallow in sorrow.
That's not healthy. , Allowing yourself to feel sad, lonely, and lost is okay
- but you will also need to dig deep inside yourself and find a place where you aren't broken.
Grab onto that, and hold onto it.
It's the way we hold ourselves together when we're shattered.
Nobody will tell you it isn't hard.
But it is necessary. , So this was your first LGBT love.
It can feel so much harder
- you may have discovered that you were gay or bisexual because of your love for this person, or became fully able to accept your gender identity because of them.
You might feel betrayed or completely lost now because this person was your rudder, kind of your lighthouse.
You discovered the LGBT world through your relationship.
That world still exists, and that world is all about acceptance.
You will find sympathy and acceptance from friends in the LGBT community. , Don't obsess over the bad times.
At the same time, don't over-romanticize the good parts.
Remember that there were problems, you had fights.
Still, you learned a lot and had some very good times, and those are not to be forgotten. , No one can tell you how long to grieve over your lost love.
One step at a time, one day at a time.
It can feel like you're made of lead, and that every step you take is heavy and difficult.
But the more you force yourself to act like life is normal, the more it will actually become normal.
You may feel sad for a long time, but eventually, time will heal you, if you will let it. -
Step 3: Hold onto yourself.
-
Step 4: Don't allow yourself to wallow.
-
Step 5: Dig deep.
-
Step 6: Don't make it about your orientation.
-
Step 7: Let go of bad memories
-
Step 8: keep good ones.
-
Step 9: Take your time.
Detailed Guide
Don't try to pretend it didn't happen, or that it didn't hurt.
Allow yourself to feel all the hurt and pain, and if there's anger, that, too.
The only problem with doing this is that you have these feelings all the time
- getting emotional at work or school is not a good thing.
Suppress the emotions as best you can to get through your days.
After work or school, allow yourself to feel the pain, cry it out, get some help from your friends and loved ones.
The first step in getting over your first love is talking to someone about it.
Write in a journal or diary.
Get it off your chest.
Express those emotions in words, out loud to someone you trust, and in writing.
Sometimes writing is a very useful and personal way to express emotions, because you can be even freer when writing than when talking to another person.
In any case, getting some support from a friend or relative can really help to relieve you of your burden, allow someone to comfort you, even if you can't be totally consoled.
Be careful about expressing your feelings to your current romantic partner, if you have one.
Your partner may become worried that they're a rebound relationship, or that if your first love comes back, you'll leave your partner for your first love. , You may feel as if you don't know who you are without your love
- you might feel like, "Without her/him, I'm nobody." That's not true.
You were yourself before this relationship.
You are yourself now.
You have friends that were your friends before.
You have a family.
Remember who you are.
You are the eldest/middle/youngest child of your parents.
You have the love and respect of your family and friends
- with or without your love.
Hold onto those you love, and who love you. , Although you want to feel and express those feelings, don't just wallow in sorrow.
That's not healthy. , Allowing yourself to feel sad, lonely, and lost is okay
- but you will also need to dig deep inside yourself and find a place where you aren't broken.
Grab onto that, and hold onto it.
It's the way we hold ourselves together when we're shattered.
Nobody will tell you it isn't hard.
But it is necessary. , So this was your first LGBT love.
It can feel so much harder
- you may have discovered that you were gay or bisexual because of your love for this person, or became fully able to accept your gender identity because of them.
You might feel betrayed or completely lost now because this person was your rudder, kind of your lighthouse.
You discovered the LGBT world through your relationship.
That world still exists, and that world is all about acceptance.
You will find sympathy and acceptance from friends in the LGBT community. , Don't obsess over the bad times.
At the same time, don't over-romanticize the good parts.
Remember that there were problems, you had fights.
Still, you learned a lot and had some very good times, and those are not to be forgotten. , No one can tell you how long to grieve over your lost love.
One step at a time, one day at a time.
It can feel like you're made of lead, and that every step you take is heavy and difficult.
But the more you force yourself to act like life is normal, the more it will actually become normal.
You may feel sad for a long time, but eventually, time will heal you, if you will let it.
About the Author
Melissa Smith
Writer and educator with a focus on practical pet care knowledge.
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