How to Stop Arguing with Someone
Be ready to compromise., Take note of each other’s needs., Ask about anything that is unclear., Listen!, Acknowledge your role in the argument.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Be ready to compromise.
Ideally, you and whomever you’re arguing with can conclude the conversation on a positive note.
In order for this to occur, you’ll likely both need to adjust your positions and metaphorically give up a bit of ground.Be sure you understand the perspective or position of the other person.
There may be more to what they’re saying than you’ve considered.
Be clear and direct about your own position, and make sure you are clearly understood.
Offer possibilities that consider both person’s contributions.
Especially in regards to matters of opinion, understand that many minor arguments simply do not need to be resolved. -
Step 2: Take note of each other’s needs.
Even if a perfect compromise doesn’t present itself, respectfully communicating your needs to one another can help keep a disagreement from worsening into a more serious argument.Make sure you both have the opportunity to clearly and calmly state what you feel needs to happen.
Respectfully and quietly listen to the person you’re arguing with state their needs as well.
Only after you each understand that the other needs can you talk flexibly about solutions that might give each of you enough of what is needed. , As a general rule, questions will help move an argument towards a resolution much better than statements.
More to the point, questions will help you both recognize the root cause of the argument, which must happen before you’re able to resolve the conflict.Questions can be simple and straightforward, such as: “Why are you upset?” or “Do you understand why I am upset?” More generally, if it becomes clear that you are not on the same page, consider asking, “How are you seeing this situation?” , Recognize that you don’t need to – and likely will not – agree with everything everyone says.
You do need to listen.
Allow them to say their piece, while facing them and affirming that you are listening with positive body language.Allowing one another to speak will also help you both feel heard.
Re-affirm that you are listening by saying things like “I get that,” or “I understand.” After listening to someone’s response to a question, paraphrase what they said and repeat it back to them, to make sure you’re both on the same page. , In the interest of resolving an argument, and simply in terms of having a respectful conversation, you must admit your responsibility for an argument that has developed. “I” statements can help you reflect and verbalize your acknowledgement.Admit negative sentiments or feelings by saying, “I’m feeling pretty uncomfortable about this right now.” Avoid statements that may sound as though you’re blaming the other person about the argument, such as, “You seem upset about this.” When recognizing your own fault in allowing an argument to escalate, avoid all accusatory language by focusing on how you’re feeling. -
Step 3: Ask about anything that is unclear.
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Step 4: Listen!
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Step 5: Acknowledge your role in the argument.
Detailed Guide
Ideally, you and whomever you’re arguing with can conclude the conversation on a positive note.
In order for this to occur, you’ll likely both need to adjust your positions and metaphorically give up a bit of ground.Be sure you understand the perspective or position of the other person.
There may be more to what they’re saying than you’ve considered.
Be clear and direct about your own position, and make sure you are clearly understood.
Offer possibilities that consider both person’s contributions.
Especially in regards to matters of opinion, understand that many minor arguments simply do not need to be resolved.
Even if a perfect compromise doesn’t present itself, respectfully communicating your needs to one another can help keep a disagreement from worsening into a more serious argument.Make sure you both have the opportunity to clearly and calmly state what you feel needs to happen.
Respectfully and quietly listen to the person you’re arguing with state their needs as well.
Only after you each understand that the other needs can you talk flexibly about solutions that might give each of you enough of what is needed. , As a general rule, questions will help move an argument towards a resolution much better than statements.
More to the point, questions will help you both recognize the root cause of the argument, which must happen before you’re able to resolve the conflict.Questions can be simple and straightforward, such as: “Why are you upset?” or “Do you understand why I am upset?” More generally, if it becomes clear that you are not on the same page, consider asking, “How are you seeing this situation?” , Recognize that you don’t need to – and likely will not – agree with everything everyone says.
You do need to listen.
Allow them to say their piece, while facing them and affirming that you are listening with positive body language.Allowing one another to speak will also help you both feel heard.
Re-affirm that you are listening by saying things like “I get that,” or “I understand.” After listening to someone’s response to a question, paraphrase what they said and repeat it back to them, to make sure you’re both on the same page. , In the interest of resolving an argument, and simply in terms of having a respectful conversation, you must admit your responsibility for an argument that has developed. “I” statements can help you reflect and verbalize your acknowledgement.Admit negative sentiments or feelings by saying, “I’m feeling pretty uncomfortable about this right now.” Avoid statements that may sound as though you’re blaming the other person about the argument, such as, “You seem upset about this.” When recognizing your own fault in allowing an argument to escalate, avoid all accusatory language by focusing on how you’re feeling.
About the Author
Betty Howard
Writer and educator with a focus on practical lifestyle knowledge.
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