How to Tell Your Family You Are Dating Outside Your Race

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Don't make assumptions.

   You may know from experience that your family will not be supportive, but more often this is a "gray area" in families because it is not frequently discussed.
   
   Jumping to conclusions about their reactions might set you up to be overly defensive for no reason, or to be blindsided by a negative reaction.Your family may surprise you by accepting the relationship.
   
   On the other hand, some families can harbor secret biases and prejudices, and you may not realize it until you happen to be dating interracially, giving their true colors a chance to show through.
   
   Give them the benefit of the doubt while steeling yourself for the worst.
   
   Think about how you will react in all possible scenarios, including if they ask you to end the relationship, but try not to worry too much beforehand.
2. 2

   Step 2: Talk to supportive family first.

   For example, if your parents are closed-minded, talk to your siblings first.
   
   If they agree with you, they can be supportive when you break it to the parents.
   
   If possible, recruit the support of older, well-trusted family members that your closed-minded family members respect.
   
   Maybe you have an older aunt or uncle that everyone reveres who is likely to support your relationship.
   
   Tell your supportive family members that you are in a relationship and you would like some advice or support in telling the rest of the family.
   
   Then, tell them your new partner is another race and you're not sure how the rest of your family will react to the news. , You can choose if you want to make a big deal out of the conversation by telling them you need to talk about something important in advance, or if you would rather just bring it up more casually in conversation.
   
   Generally, making a big deal out of any topic puts people on the defensive by making them assume the worst beforehand.
   
   Since you want your parents to be open and accepting, casually bringing it up might yield better results.
   
   Try saying over dinner, "Hey, did you know I have a new boyfriend?" They are likely to ask questions about him, and you can find a way to drop in "He's the first Asian guy I have dated."
   
   Instead of dropping the news, frame it as you seeking advice from them, which flatters them and makes them feel that you value their opinion and is thus more likely to get them on your team.Try saying, "I was wondering if you could give me some advice.
   
   I have this new girlfriend, and I like her a lot.
   
   But I think sometimes people treat us differently because she's white and I'm not.
   
   Have you ever dated someone outside our race?"
   
   If your parents challenge you or question why you are dating outside your race, your goal is to show them that you are mature and can handle whatever negativity they might dish out.
   
   After all, if you pursue this relationship, you are likely to encounter bias out there in the world, since many people have issues with interracial dating and marriage.Show your family you are mature enough to deal with the difficulties of a real relationship.
   
   If a family member reacts in anger, starts yelling, or becomes overly emotional, stay calm, but don't continue the conversation.
   
   People are incapable of thinking rationally or really hearing you out if they become too emotional.
   
   Let them know you will revisit the topic when they are not upset and you can talk about it calmly., There are several typical objections that some people have to interracial relationships, but fortunately there are also great responses.
   
   Some examples include: "His/her family's culture is too different from ours." You can respond to this by saying that it's possible that the cultural divide might be too great, but you will cross that bridge when you get there.
   
   You want to get to know him and his family as individuals before judging his family for their race. "I don't like people of that race." This objection is hard to deal with because it isn't rational.
   
   Or, your parents might have their viewpoints because of their experience with people of that race.
   
   Offer to listen while your parents explain their point of view.
   
   After you have listened to your parents reasons, you could point out that it is not fair to generalize all people of that race based on a few negative experiences.
   
   Do your best to have a reasonable discussion with your parents and avoid judging them before you have heard the whole story. "I don't mind interracial relationships in principle, but people will treat you differently." In truth, this objection is not wrong; many people do frown on interracial relationships and might treat you badly because of it.
   
   Tell your family member you are aware that it might be harder to have an interracial relationship, but that you and your partner are prepared to deal with social consequences for your choice. "It's wrong to date that person because any children you might have will be treated differently." Tell your family member that you are aware that interracial children might be treated differently, but that you would provide a supportive home and do everything you could to educate and love your child to be prepared to live in this world.
   
   You can also say that you don't intend to have children any time soon, and that you feel that you have enough time to prepare for that situation if it ever occurs. , It’s a good idea to mentally rehearse all the things you like about your partner, so that you're prepared when your parents ask why you are dating him or her.
   
   Emphasize qualities and characteristics that you know your family would want in a partner for you, regardless of race.
   
   For example, talk up your partner's work ethic, academic achievements, or athletic ability, or mention that he or she has great manners, makes you feel special, and treats people with kindness. , If your parents are dead-set against letting you date outside your race, and if you are living at home and are a minor, you may have to follow your family's rules until you move out of the home.
   
   Otherwise, your family may punish you by grounding you or taking away privileges.
   
   If your parents forbid you from dating this person, you have to decide if you will obey their wishes.
3. 3

   Step 3: Talk to your parents or other closed-minded family members.

4. 4

   Step 4: Try framing it as advice-seeking.

5. 5

   Step 5: Stay calm.

6. 6

   Step 6: Prepare responses to common objections.

7. 7

   Step 7: Be prepared to explain.

8. 8

   Step 8: Prepare yourself for consequences.

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