How to Start a Deep Conversation
Start with small talk., Find an opening., Bring up a topic., Try some specific questions., Share something personal., Ask engaged questions., Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Start with small talk.
You may not want to jump right into a deep discussion once you meet up with somebody.
Instead, ease into it.
Start with some easy conversation like, “How’s your day going?” or, ‘“How are you handling exams?” Use your small talk to build upon and lead into deeper questions.If you’re nervous to bring up a topic with someone, don’t spend all your time planning what you will say.
Don’t rush right into a deep conversation.
Instead, say hello, get comfortable, and settle in a bit. -
Step 2: Find an opening.
You don't need to force a conversation.
Let it develop naturally.
If you have something in mind you’d like to bring up, go for it.
If you don't have anything to say, then it's okay to not say anything.
Wait for an opening in the conversation.
This might be a lull or a moment of silence, or an appropriate time to bring up a different topic.
Bring up a topic or ask a question in a casual, friendly, self-assured tone.Your conversation may reach a moment of silence or a point of redirection.
Take the opportunity to bring up what you’d like to discuss. , Once you’ve assessed whether people are ready and open to talk, now is the time.
If you have a question or a topic you’d like to discuss, bring it up.
You don’t need to create a segway unless you want to.
If you have a question, ask it.Say, “I have a question for you guys…” or, “I’m really interested to hear your thoughts on this…” , Part of having a deep conversation is asking great questions.
You may want to start with personal questions to learn more about somebody and their experiences.
For deep personal questions, ask, “What is something that brings you fulfillment?” or ask, “What is something that’s a passion of yours?”You can ask someone a meaningful question such as, “What’s a mistake you’ve made that you’ve learned a lot from?” or ask, “Have you ever experienced what you thought was a setback, yet it actually helped you move forward?” Ask open ended questions to keep the conversation flowing.
You can use the information you gain to delve into deeper subjects. , Often, deep discussions involve talking about something personal or private.
They are a way to open up to someone and share a part of yourself or have them share something with you.
You might wish to talk about your childhood dreams or what your disappointments have taught you.
Ask another person about their own personal experiences.Say, “I’d like to share my experience with you about my childhood” or, “I remember one time when I was really disappointed…” Be vulnerable to some degree.
It’s hard to have a deep conversation if you’re unwilling to open up and share who you are.
People who are willing to be vulnerable are more likely to engage in deep conversations., If you want to start a deep conversation, it’s important to keep it going for at least some time.
Show a genuine interest in the person you’re talking to and their response.
You might start with one question you’ve thought to bring up, but let more flow if you’re curious.
Ask the person to clarify their response or give examples.
Stay curious in what they say.Ask, “What do you mean by that?” or say, “I’d like to hear more of your thoughts.” Show that you are listening by repeating back part of what they say to you.
For example, if they mention their pet's name, slipping it into the conversation at some point shows that you actually cared about what they had to say. , It's important to allow yourself to be vulnerable in relationships.
Be willing to open up to to people and share things that are personal to you.
This will help to show the other person that you trust them and encourage them to open up to you. -
Step 3: Bring up a topic.
-
Step 4: Try some specific questions.
-
Step 5: Share something personal.
-
Step 6: Ask engaged questions.
-
Step 7: Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Detailed Guide
You may not want to jump right into a deep discussion once you meet up with somebody.
Instead, ease into it.
Start with some easy conversation like, “How’s your day going?” or, ‘“How are you handling exams?” Use your small talk to build upon and lead into deeper questions.If you’re nervous to bring up a topic with someone, don’t spend all your time planning what you will say.
Don’t rush right into a deep conversation.
Instead, say hello, get comfortable, and settle in a bit.
You don't need to force a conversation.
Let it develop naturally.
If you have something in mind you’d like to bring up, go for it.
If you don't have anything to say, then it's okay to not say anything.
Wait for an opening in the conversation.
This might be a lull or a moment of silence, or an appropriate time to bring up a different topic.
Bring up a topic or ask a question in a casual, friendly, self-assured tone.Your conversation may reach a moment of silence or a point of redirection.
Take the opportunity to bring up what you’d like to discuss. , Once you’ve assessed whether people are ready and open to talk, now is the time.
If you have a question or a topic you’d like to discuss, bring it up.
You don’t need to create a segway unless you want to.
If you have a question, ask it.Say, “I have a question for you guys…” or, “I’m really interested to hear your thoughts on this…” , Part of having a deep conversation is asking great questions.
You may want to start with personal questions to learn more about somebody and their experiences.
For deep personal questions, ask, “What is something that brings you fulfillment?” or ask, “What is something that’s a passion of yours?”You can ask someone a meaningful question such as, “What’s a mistake you’ve made that you’ve learned a lot from?” or ask, “Have you ever experienced what you thought was a setback, yet it actually helped you move forward?” Ask open ended questions to keep the conversation flowing.
You can use the information you gain to delve into deeper subjects. , Often, deep discussions involve talking about something personal or private.
They are a way to open up to someone and share a part of yourself or have them share something with you.
You might wish to talk about your childhood dreams or what your disappointments have taught you.
Ask another person about their own personal experiences.Say, “I’d like to share my experience with you about my childhood” or, “I remember one time when I was really disappointed…” Be vulnerable to some degree.
It’s hard to have a deep conversation if you’re unwilling to open up and share who you are.
People who are willing to be vulnerable are more likely to engage in deep conversations., If you want to start a deep conversation, it’s important to keep it going for at least some time.
Show a genuine interest in the person you’re talking to and their response.
You might start with one question you’ve thought to bring up, but let more flow if you’re curious.
Ask the person to clarify their response or give examples.
Stay curious in what they say.Ask, “What do you mean by that?” or say, “I’d like to hear more of your thoughts.” Show that you are listening by repeating back part of what they say to you.
For example, if they mention their pet's name, slipping it into the conversation at some point shows that you actually cared about what they had to say. , It's important to allow yourself to be vulnerable in relationships.
Be willing to open up to to people and share things that are personal to you.
This will help to show the other person that you trust them and encourage them to open up to you.
About the Author
Janice Mitchell
Writer and educator with a focus on practical organization knowledge.
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